@pathfinder @autistics for me personally it often comes down to expectations. Because if I agree to help in the future, and when the time comes I’m barely hanging on, then I face the nearly impossible choice to likely go over the edge if I do follow through, but being unable to back out. And usually I look perfectly fine even when I’m right on the edge, so others won’t understand it.
It works the same way if I accept help. I feel an obligation to return it. Or, if I offer help on something that is a recurring task, then I feel an obligation to keep doing it (even if I only offered help the one time).
I really hate that this is the way it works for me. A lot of it also comes down to my baseline levels of stress. The more I have to drive, the higher they will be. The more I’m around people, the higher it will be.