Remote
Mr. Big John 
@johnhattan@dobbs.town
mastodon 4.7.3Grand High Arch Exalted UberPope of The First Church of Shatnerology, Protector of All Things Toupeed, and Defender of The Rind.
379 Followers
249 Following
50 Posts
Joined December 17, 2018
Replying to
@scalzi In "Following The Equator", Twain detailed his long correspondence with "The (some part of) Australia Mark Twain Book Club".
(spoiler) Twain traveled halfway around the world to discover it was just one guy pretending to be about 20 people. Which is only more impressive because it all happened over international mail!
"Bob" took the Tame Blue Yonder and made it wild.
"Bob" did not put the Bomp in the Bomp, Bomp, Bomp, but he did take out the parts that didn't rhyme, like Kumquat and Vermillion.
God made a cow. Man made a cheese. "Bob" made it whiz.
"Bob" made sure you didn't get that Bill Cosby tattoo in 1988.
"Bob" won all the pogs.
"Bob" sold Ozzy the ticket to the Crazy Train.
Life is a dozen 60-pound boxes of machine parts, and "Bob" is your pallet-jack.
...and look! The HOA's meeting agenda has just been updated to add a rule targeting me specifically!
/me hears a happy "ding" sound
What was that?
/me looks up
Oooh, look. A glowing golden coin is hovering over me.
/me touches the golden coin
Oh drat. I already unlocked this accomplishment.
Nice article about past mail-order occultists.
https://publicdomainreview.org/essay/magic-by-return-of-post/
Replying to
@gvwilson The fact that there exist "Pop Tarts" but no "Mom Tarts" proves the pervasive nature of the pastryarchy.
Given that Gene Roddenberry was a complete horndog, it only makes sense that the original design for "V'Ger" would look like a scantily-clad alien woman.
In this storyboard-frame, Ensign J.R. "Bob" Dobbs (replacing Leonard Nimoy) makes a vulcan mind-meld with the alien "Co'Nne".
Wow, it's been two years since I drove halfway across the country to hang around with elderly stoners.
Europeans, gaze in wonder at Walmart's canned meat section!
Replying to
Update. Manny got drunk and wouldn't stop farting, so the stewardess tased him.
The dinosaurs were well-received by the children.
Remember this, Bucko.
Our planet (Urt, formerly "Earth") has had a half-dozen major extinctions. BUT only this one gives the extinct-ees the ability to livestream their own extinction!
(insert shitty AI image of a dystopia here)
Fresco detail from the Second Romnican Tapestry (c 1232 CE).
This particular frame is entitled "No need to cut cabbage, ma. We're having amphibian tonight!"
Some terrorist cut off the pool-lock again, so I hung out for about 10 minutes. Head Biddy got triggered and banished me from the pool for the 43rd time.
Currently listening to "Muse Ick N Hour Message" by Public Enemy outside her unit.
People say the album is a misstep for Public Enemy, but I'm okay with it.
Got bored and temp is nice, so I'm at the Tiki Hut. Reading "Groucho Marx: Secret Agent", which is literary #bulldada from the TekWar guy.
No Manny, so the cliche-pygmy is safe.
I think I hurt Github Copilot's feelings. I should probably explain that my statement "a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of mediocre minds" was actually a dig at myself and not it.
Yeah, I have no idea how to talk to an AI, so I just assume it's exactly like me.
It's figuring me out.
Replying to
@AleisterGiovanni@dobbs.town new #bulldada is always ready to reveal itself to you.
Go do a deep dive into the history of Curly Fries on Wikipedia RIGHT NOW.
Replying to
@Unabart@dobbs.town Wow, what a boring cunt. I suddenly like the USA slightly better, because he's not a celebrity here.
/me researches
Aww man, it turns out Chuck D's real name is "Carlton Douglas Ridenhour".
I was rooting for his birth name to be "Charles Darwin".
Replying to
@MostlyTato @HighlandLawyer @scalzi I remember our local theater in Sherwood Arkansas was playing "Star Wars" and "Starship Invasions" on the opening weekend.
Guess which one my little brother wanted to see.
I still tease him about it.
Replying to
@scalzi heck, I'll go a step further.
If you did not see Star Wars in the movie theater in 1977, then you are either an incurious luddite or a fetus. In either case, I don't have time for you.
Replying to
@jonathankoren@sfba.social @ComicContext@mstdn.social on an entirely different note, it would be perfect if super-smart-girl from that last season of The Boys made herself into a jar-brain.
She made it pretty clear that her body is ordinary, and only her brain regenerates. She could totally control remote robots from her hideout on the moon :)
Replying to
@jonathankoren@sfba.social @ComicContext@mstdn.social exactly! It is her destiny to kill Homelander by becoming an unstoppable evil super brain with a robot army.
Spoiler - super-brain-girl becomes WAY worse than Homelander and enslaves the PLANET!
GIVE ME THIS!
Replying to
@pzmyers@freethought.online Dang, old people really cocked this question up.
You'd think that DEI "new math" would be making kids do worse than old people, not better!
Were the coins gay?
Replying to
@pzmyers cute critter. Here in Texas the coots are heading north and we're getting hummingbirds.
Replying to
@RevSPLR@dobbs.town first I must know the Chinese word for this slackful mindset.
Unless they're actually calling it "lying flat" in English. That's even better!
Replying to
@scalzi ahh I still remember all those years ago when you told me about how you were planning a series of novels about a clumsy waiter who falls in love with Leona Helmsley.
I probably shouldn't have talked you out of it. I was curious how those stories would've played out.
Replying to
@pzmyers we've definitely gone downhill from the days of King Arthur. Either of these pantloads comes at me with a sword, and I'd push 'em right over.
Replying to
@cdarwin@c.im so I presume the worm is now a critically-endangered species.
Not that I'm complaining.
Replying to
@Zontar@dobbs.town now that's a yeti! If a yeti ain't at least twice as big as a person, I can't respect 'em.
SMALL CLEAN YETI BAD! BIG STINKY YETI GOOD!