mastodon 4.6.6Don't believe everything a little bird (X) tells you.
I'm a silly fucker.
Music, nonsense, random stories (always a story) and whatever comes to mind.
Not a racist, a homophobe, a transphobe or a bigot. Basically not a cunt (I do swear so if that is not for you, I'm definitely not for you).
Please add #AltText i.e. descriptive descriptions, to your pictures for visually impaired and all people. No decent description, no boost from me.
Out walking Daphne with a slight hangover (me not the dog).
Could someone turn the landscape down please?
I own and listen to physical music my parents bought before I was born.
I own and listen to physical music from before my parents were born.
I own and listen to physical music that was released last week.
Nobody can take them away from me without a warrant or breaking in to my home.
If you can't do physical, get a digital copy* of the music you love. Cherish it, keep it. Own it.
Streaming services will take it away from you or exploit you for more money (and the artists you love) if you don't.
*Even if you have to steal/pirate it, I'm pretty sure most artists don't care now if the choice is lining Spotify's pockets or the Pirate bay, if you enjoy their music
Mrs B doesn't go out, out very often and may never again after last night 😂.
Her and the Eldest went to a small day/night festival in a club in London. Everyone in there was about 30 years younger than her. It was largely quite dark and so she didn't really feel self conscious.
There were only two cubicles for the ladies toilets so there was a queue, naturally. Mrs B queued up behind a gaggle of young ladies and noted one got a hairbrush out of her bag and started using it, her friends were all touching up their make up (Mrs B is not a girly girl, she's never worn make up and would never take a hairbrush on a night out, so was amused by this a bit, the contrast between them).
It was hot and sweaty so she went to tie her hair up and accidentally nudged the girl with the hairbrush, very lightly. "I'm so sorry" she said and 3 girls all swung round to face her. The following conversation ensued;
Girl 1: Oh that's quite alright.
Mrs B: Thanks.
Girl 2: We've been watching you.
Mrs B: Err, OK.
Girl 1: You're iconic!
Girl 2: You're effortlessly stylish, you look amazing.
Mrs B: Err, thanks?
They were not taking the piss and were genuinely excited to get to talk to her. "You're never 54, we thought you were like 40" and this gem "what's your skincare routine?". Reader, she has never had a skincare routine.
They were very sweet young ladies but Mrs B said it was the longest 10 minutes of her life 😂
My life is pretty mundane most of the time but I just took a trip to the big Tesco on the outskirts of a boring market town that was quite an adventure.
First I was driving along a local A road, stuck behind a group of about 8 jalopies, chuntering along at 20 miles an hour, not typical traffic, some kind of rally for cars from the early 1900s.
Drove to the far end of Tesco's car park into what appeared to be a middle eastern wedding party, in the car park of a very white town. About 30 people, all dressed in suits and traditional dresses, very high end cars, people beeping car horns, dancing and clapping in the road to traditional music while a boy, probably about 9, played some traditional middle eastern clarinet type thing. I literally had to drive through the party. For context, there is no venue or even any houses nearby, it's an isolated, out of town store.
In Tesco I saw a little man, stood next to me at the tills. REALLY familiar but couldn't fathom where I knew him from. I knew he was a bit weird, and could actually hear his distinctive accent in my head. We said nothing. Bugged the hell out of me until as I drove away I remembered he is the builders mate of a guy who does work for us. He is extremely chatty. I didn't recognise him because he was clean and because he wasn't eating biscuits in my kitchen.
Lastly as I exited Tesco's onto the local bypass I was confronted with a massive pile of debris in the road, as I got nearer it was apparent the someone had left the supermarket with a large bag for life full of assorted groceries on the roof of their car which had exited when they put their foot down.
What an adventure!
I just remembered a cute incident from many years ago that highlighted the difference between the child and the adult world.
My memory is a bit hazy but I think it was at Barcelona airport. The youngest would have been 4/5 years old. Going through security, a guard/agent or whatever stood in front of him and raised his arms by his side, the international sign for I'm going to pat you down (in retrospect this was a bit weird to do to a small child, but it was 15 years ago so maybe security was more jumpy/strict).
The youngest misunderstood (of course) and proceeded to hug the leg of the security officer, assuming that was what his gesture meant.
This diffused the situation and the 5 pounds of heroin in the youngest's coat was never discovered (I'm joking obviously about the last bit).
So, today our eldest (21) child has moved out.
This morning, Mrs B was driving me to the train station, then returning to collect the eldest to take them to the station for their final departure.
As Mrs B and I were getting in the car our neighbour across the street, who we know to say hello to, came out with her daughter (who I swear was born six months ago but appears to be nearly two). The little one was walking and looked incredibly cute. Her Mom (she's American), seeing us all doe eyed looking over, decided to come and introduce her to us.
Oh my god. Beautiful, beaming innocent smile. "Hello" she said, "Nursery" when Mom talked about where they were off too, and repeated "neighbours" when she introduced us. Unbelievably adorable, we were both absolutely delighted to speak to her.
We got in the car and I didn't even have to look at her, I knew. Mrs B had a wobbly chin and watery eyes sat there.
What a day/moment to make your formal introduction. Great timing, angelic, unbelievably cute toddler 🥺.
Nancy Sinatra was working in the costume department on the movie The Deerhunter. Robert De Nero was trying on his military uniform and complained to her that his footwear was too big.
"Oh Bobby darling, that's because these boots were made for Walken"
Margate.
TLDR: Mat tried to make a film in the 90s at a party, failed, and this is the uncut mess, rediscovered 30 years later.
So, back in the mid 90s, being an artist as I was, I was making portraits of people. I was filming on 8mm colour cine film, asking people to stay completely still for 10 seconds then looping and projecting the film like it was a still photo. I really loved the portraits. Still life, but despite best efforts of the sitters, there was always a little movement in the expression. Living, breathing portraits. You could feel the life running through them, even when motionless (the flicker of the frames projected added to this effect).
I had an offshoot idea. I'd got my hands on some black and white film, really grainy, 1920s style. I wanted to film portraits of people off their heads, gurning and mashed up on ecstasy (molly), same portrait concept, but with a Nosferatu aesthetic. The plan was to do this at a house party we were having.
When reality/good sense hit, I realised this probably wasn't a great idea for the subjects (my friends), who probably might not want to be immortalised like this, so I bailed on it. But I was at a 2 day party with a camera.
It was a weird weekend. We partied for 48 hours, it was messy, we were young.
In the aftermath of the party, still intoxicated, but in a different mindset, we, the party stragglers, decided to build a diorama of an imaginary British coastal town in the corner of the room, made of blankets, cigarette packets, beer cans, cigarette papers, rice spilled from takeaway meals and whatever other debris was lying around on the floor.
Ten folks in their early 20's, hung over, drinking beer, smoking and sitting around in the filth, enthusiastically crafting boats, planes, buildings, a lighthouse made from a disgarded asthma inhaler and, my particular favourite, a seagull made from rizla cigarette paper.
During the weekend I filmed a bit of footage, unstaged, of people partying and crashed out, and then captured some of the making of "Margate", our imaginary seaside town (Margate is an actual coastal town but this was not based on it, not sure why we called it that). Finally we made some hurried, wonky, stop frame animation to bring Margate to life. We had a genius idea for the sea, and used spilt rice from somebody's takeaway curry to create wash and waves in the water.
I developed the film but my projector broke and this sat unwatched or edited in a can for 30 years. Occasionally I reminisce about the carefree days of our youth with Mrs B, days where you could lose a weekend in hedonism that would spawn creativity, for no particular reason other than as something to do drinking off a hangover.
Mrs B got the reel digitised for my birthday and here it is, unedited. To the viewer it looks a mess, but to me it contains memories and fragments of a time lost.
I added music* which kind of reflects how I see the footage now, not as I would have then.
This has been a very long post, probably longer than the film itself which is 3 minutes.
*Proc Fiskal – she's veiled
I've had a few conversations about AltText going on recently, and I'm a dedicated advocate for making images accessible, not only to our visually impaired friends, but for everyone.
Sometimes, people don't get the references, are not familiar with your cultural differences, are stupid like me and need a prompt, or just can't see; whatever.
There are lots of reasons people won't understand an image, so consider being a good citizen and explain it, so everyone can enjoy it.
"Wow, so preachy Mat, don't tell me how to Mastodon"
Fair enough, but being as woke and right on as I am, I'm doubling down. I started this really easy to remember hashtag so enthusiasts like myself can tag and find good AltText.
#AltTextIsWhereTheCoolKidsHangOut
"Wu Tang AND AltText is for the children" - Rza*
*Rza didn't actually say this but I'm sure the Wu would all be onboard with it
Watched the film Wicked Little Letters last night. It had kind of passed me by when it came out. Lovely, funny little film with a great cast.
I love her so much already, but Olivia Colman's performance was incredible as always. Effortlessly perfect. She tells a story without words.
Fuck me, they cloned all of Bucks Fizz and he came out. Euroclone song contest.
Music lovers in or near London today, I have a FREE ticket to see the wonderful band Dry Cleaning tonight at the O2 in Brixton.
No strings, no catch, no cost, I just want it to go to a good home. I can transfer to you via email so you don't have to face meeting me in 3D.
DM or reply if interested.
Here's a preview...
Dry Cleaning - Scratch card Lanyard
