When I read between the lines, I find there's just blank space.
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John "John Davies" Davies ☑️
@johnnyd_cm@mastodonapp.uk
mastodon 4.6.8I have a sense of humour. It took years to hone drivel of this calibre.
If you like my jokes, I WILL follow you back. And you will like it.
Guitarist in my new band, Ground Zero.
Instagram: @GroundZeroBlackpool
Look at my website and YouTube channel. Or else.
Aspiring novelist. 'Cube' and 'Punacceptable' are out now!
Instagram @john.davies.author
2392 Followers
5410 Following
50 Posts
Joined November 05, 2022
Uk:
Near Blackpool
My YouTube channel:
My website:
Replying to
@VeroniqueB99@mastodon.social I like to drain a bottle of wine. Usually straight after opening it.
My wife owns a battery kiosk at a children's playground.
She sells C cells by the seesaw.
A wise man once said:
"What the ******* is going on?!?"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Doorbell repair service.
Have you thought about turning off and not turning it back on again? That would solve a whole heap of problems.
Identifying confectionery is easy. Piece of cake!
I Googled my illness symptoms and it said sprinkle with grated cheese and grill for ten minutes.
How come a fly can get into your house through a hole the size of an atom, but can't find its way out through an open window the size of a small country?!?
It ain't what you do it's the way that you do it,
It ain't what you do it's the way that you do it,
It ain't what you do it's the way that you do it,
And that's what gets you fired.
My doctor says I've developed altheletes foot, but it's not made me run any faster.
If you put two Polar bears together, would they repel each other?
A scientist likes to take matter into his own hands.
I mistook engine oil for vegetable oil and now my bacon does 0 - 60 in 3 seconds.
Replying to
@kelvin0mql@mastodon.social @dgar@aus.social I'm in. You had me at slut😂😂😂
A weasel packed with rice and treacle makes an effective incendiary device.
Teacher: "What's your favourite letter?"
Pupil: "Its G, sir"
Teacher: "Why's that, Angus?"
I asked my mate "What does 'I haven't a scooby' mean?"
He said "No idea"
I said "OK then, I'll ask someone who does!"
My mate was sceptical that I'd caught measles, but now he's beginning to join the dots.
If you get drunk on shorts,
is that being inabbreviated?
I always taunt my dog by never telling him who the good boy is.
Caught a virus last week. It was late, the seats were cramped but the fare was reasonable.
These new pneumatic drills are pretty groundbreaking.
A spider wrecking its web after catching a fly is like me trashing my house after I've made a Pot Noodle.
Out in the next day or two. I'm so sorry. Run. Hide. Find shelter. Won't do you any good. And I don't care.
My wife says I've got a great imagination and I'm not even married!
I feel I've seen the term "Deja vu" before.
Replying to
@VeroniqueB99@mastodon.social I complemented someone on the size of their boobs then he punched me.
Replying to
@dgar@aus.social What are their morals? Might sign up.
Replying to
@FourT4@mastodonapp.uk Yes the price has exploded!
Replying to
@Arapalla@aus.social Good, because I look like someone set my face on fire then tried to put it out with a cricket bat.
Me : "Excuse me, is this seat taken?"
Liam Neeson: "Yes, it's has a very particular set of skills"
Replying to
@rothko@beige.party I need to add a disclaimer to my bio "Read at your own peril".
Replying to
@finestructure@mastodon.social Problem is, they're in standby mode for 20 hours a day.
Replying to
@VeroniqueB99@mastodon.social Just not according to the government.
Replying to
@Aphelion@mastodon.sdf.org
I'm no good at haikus
I can never make them work
Especially when it comes to the last line.
Replying to
@MamaLake@beige.party Sadly, the feeling is not mutual.
Replying to
@JayElbey@ioc.exchange @lydialurch@mastodon.social My body is a temple, i.e. the same size and weight.
Replying to
@jonn_blanchard@retrochat.online Where you get to see so many bits.
Replying to
@catsalad@infosec.exchange I see the problem. No paws command.
Replying to
@theart013@mastodon.social Thank you. *must stop trying*
Replying to
@OohOkayKay@beige.party And I didn't prepare a speech.
Replying to
@CiaraNi@mastodon.green They were way ahead of their time.
Replying to
@andymouse@todon.eu You obviously never worked for my old company😂😂😂
I learned how to saw a woman in half! But all I get is "Murderer this", "Psychopath that", "Monster the other"...
Boosted by @GroupNebula563@mastodon.social
I opened a jar of instant coffee, but it was still just granules.
Replying to
@VeroniqueB99@mastodon.social If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one around to hear it, that's a great place to bury the body.
Replying to
@CKL@ioc.exchange I'll just open my coat so I can p&ss on you.
Replying to
@VeroniqueB99@mastodon.social I always taunt my dog by never actually telling him who the good boy is.