mastodon 4.5.18Puppy parent, gamer, spoonie, blogger, anxious mess. She/her. https://linktr.ee/krikket
I would like to start by saying I *hate* that this works...
...but the lighter I make my "must do" list on a given day? The more I get done. If I put all the things on a must do list, I would get overwhelmed and do none of it. But when I keep the list light? All of a sudden it doesn't seem like a big deal to squeeze in a few of those "would really like to get done" items.
WHY IS MY BRAIN LIKE THIS?!?
I survived my first foray out in these bad boys:
We talked for about three hours last night. I said a lot of things I needed to, he said a lot of things that made me feel better. It's not all resolved - I didn't expect it to be - but we're both committed to continuing to work on it.
Two very damaged humans trying their best for each other maybe isn't the ideal, but I am so very grateful.
At the six month mark, my A1C is down to 5.8, which is only 1/10 of a point over the top of the normal range.
I daresay I did it?
However, that playthrough got derailed when a friend bought me a copy of Librarian: Tidy Up the Arcane Library. I did a full playthrough without even unlocking the major magic spells, just slowly, methodically, manually shelving over 3000 books. It was compulsively satisfying.
I then restarted to do a magic run, and found it kind of blah.
The first run took almost 17 hours. The second, just over 2.
It's my day off, it's supposed to be over 90 today, and I'm all hormonal and a little bit sad.
Sounds like the perfect recipe for a self-care day, and giving myself permission to forgo doing *anything* productive.
I am forever shopping for enamel pins to turn into needle minders, and I just stumbled across one that said "Stop giving CPR to dead situations." and hooboy did that feel like a punch in the face.
Oof.
Okay Fedi friends, I have an important question for you.
If you are a person with hobbies who likes to set aside a block of time for yourself every now and again to enjoy said hobbies, how the heck do you enforce that for yourself?
Plans with other people? Sure, I'll be there. Something that needs to get done? Most of the time I'm on it. Heck, I've even mostly gotten on top of taking care of myself physically even when I don't feel like it.
But when it comes time to take care of myself mentally? To actually buckle down and have fun on my own? No. I apparently have forgotten how to do that. I can make a date with myself, sure, but I can't make myself *keep* it. There's always a distraction of everything and nothing and then the window of time I'd set aside for myself has disappeared.
The only thing I don’t like about my room is the challenge of clothes storage.
I bought this rack for another room, but I think it’s going to live right here. Yes, I know it blocks the door, but I don’t use that door anyway.
The heatwave this week has showed me that pretty much all of my go to summer bike shorts don't work anymore. So I got a little spendy.
First world problems, y'all, but I am so sick of needing new clothes.
Oof, I just saw a post from someone I respect on FB that said “leaving meta, find me on Substack” and that’s certainly a choice.
I just couldn't deal with clearing snow today while it was still happening, and I took a snow day from work. Probably should have pushed myself to go in, because holy hell, have I been mopey today.
Part of it was that the weather stuff meant the tentative plans I had tonight didn't happen, but I suspect they wouldn't have anyway. Part of it is just the weather - I'm so tired of things being delayed or put on hold because winter be wintering.
Part of it is that I'm just overwhelmed and exhausted and struggling, and I'm not quite sure how to get back on top of things.
I feel like I rarely post anymore because my life is VERY BORING OMG and I don't have anything of interest to say, so in an attempt to subvert that, a couple of entertainment related thoughts.
I really hate when my nice logical brain is telling me one thing, and yet? Something is pushing my emotional panic button.
While I do understand that it's important to listen to your feelings because the brain is excellent at rationalizing? I also know I am also excellent at catastrophizing minor inconveniences, and this feels more like that then an actual indication of a real problem.
When I first started exercising regularly? I expected to be sore a lot. I was doing things I hadn't done in years, and in some cases, never done. Obviously, there was going to be some discomfort in that.
Now, almost 6 months in? I'm over it. I'm sick of my muscles grumbling at me day after day. Now more than ever, I don't understand fitness people. I'm fairly certain I have yet to experience an endorphin, and every day is a game of "which muscle group is going to complain the loudest today?"
This too will pass, but damn if it isn't frustrating to not enjoy the process, the results, or the side effects.
