Meli Futures

I think we are doing okay, today there was a lot of random back and forth, a surprising amount and some of the messages were a bit unexpected. And I'm not always the one sending the first message of the day or after a weekend. We've not yet spoken on the phone yet, but there's no rush. 17/n #NotAGrownUp #LGBTQ+

Now I'm wondering if I need to attempt proper contact now rather than wait? Find out one way or the other if there can ever be a friendship again? I already knew I was a mess over a lot of things, and like I didn't fit into the world, era or body I was born into, I've always been an outsider, other. I have already forgotten where the edge is, I can't remember when I fell off it. 8/n #NotAGrownUp #AskQueerFedi #LGBTQ +

Okay I need to stop putting pressure on myself, I'm overthinking everything, they were always a good person and I need to let go a little and let them drive the direction a bit, then I can respond and move forward as best I can without getting it too twisted or pushing too hard. I know I can trust them. Just scared of getting something wrong and going backwards, so this is easier said than done. But I need to start allocating some brain capacity to actually function and not have a further meltdown over life in general. 16/n #NotAGrownUp #LGBTQ+

I'm not crying, your crying, definitely not me 🥹 That is the best via text chat I have had in years, I think we might just be okay. Now I don't know how to get to sleep! 13/n

And we're messaging, it's going to be slow, so much damage to undo, but what we had as friends originally is enough for this to be something, how much I don't know, but for them I can be patient. 12/n

I wish I was up earlier, contact request was accepted! Trying to suppress my grinning as I get ready for work as I share the house with someone I really don't want to anymore, I don't want them prying. Time enough to make sure my next step isn't too much but enough and maybe message tonight. 11/n

Aww no, cannot just message, and there is no way I am going to just add as a contact without a message, but 200 characters?! I could probably do 250 words... Okay, here goes, editing time again... [Edit as it's actually 200 characters not 250 😱 ] 9/n

Pressed send, now running away to cook dinner, drag myself out for a walk before it gets dark while still obsessing over Beth McCarthy's music and hope I don't get blocked... 😔 10/n

@alice@lgbtqia.space @Wohnmichel@mastodon.social Hmm, I was introduced to the internet by my first boyfriend, so too late for BBS's, did spend a bit of time playing with the Discworld MUD. Not sure if I'm brave enough mention the place I spent the most time, I did meet some folx from Texas through there when they came to the UK, corresponded via airmail with another and built a few good online friendships, fun times, checked up on it a while back and sad to see where it ended up 😢 But the variety of folx I could chat with, with different interests, from all over is probably why I love the Fediverse so much.

Looking for some non-YouTube music if possible to have in the background while writing a short story with halflings, half elves and goblins etc. Keen to find something non-AI based and if it works for my writing, be able to direct some funds to the artist behind it. Have been listening to Danheim, but that can get a little heavy for what I need. #Writing #WritingCommunity

@dianea@lgbtqia.space I remember the first time I saw them on a road trip south through Germany, I was mesmerised, completely falling in love with them. 🥰

Music levels are ramping up this weekend, I would have been out at a "fringe" event tonight but my side quest means I need an early night, need sleep! Although downloading my brain temporarily into a secure location also sounds like a good idea. Tomorrow is the main event to the "fringe" being a local Hop Festival, live bands in all the pubs and on stages across the town. Then Sunday really is a big one, not seen Bon Jovi for years. So two days of dancing and singing my heart out. Then it's watch my favourite artist/band pages, for who will be first on the list next year and how far I will have to go to see them. Eeek! #NotAGrownUp #HopFestival

@inkandashes@lgbtqia.space I have a tendancy to write fantasy stories, previously fan fiction, this is my first attempt to build my own world from a very limited starting point. My 3 characters started in a D&D game years ago, and now now they want their own full story. I'm not 100% sure where it is going yet, that is part of the fun, but I do know that the two women are very fond of each other, and their new goblin companion doesn't like "biguns", is going to completely change their opinion of goblins, and is on their own journey of self discovery (which I was not expecting). I always seem to have some initial dialog and a picture in mind, then my brain nags at me to write it. My favourite with this one at the moment is convincing the goblin to have a proper wash in the river, that resulted in a draft sketch with a panicked goblin and one of the women doing a handstand, naked in the water, so you can only see her lower legs and feet, showing off the mud between her toes to convince the goblin that it's safe. Once I have an idea I do plan and research, but then my brain goes off on a tangent and I have to figure out how to make it all work! 😁

A little intro for my new alt, have been on Mastodon since 2022. Meli is one of my online monikers, I have posted both fan fiction and fan art under this name, as well as being my original Mastodon handle. So who am I and why am I here? Late acknowledging, queer maybe bi, maybe more, quirky late forties UK arty bean counter, trying to figure out how find the best bits of the past and turn the rest of her life on it’s head by the time I hit 50. For me this is a place where I hope to do general posts, learn and ask questions without feeling like the wrong person is watching. And maybe let my imagination loose, you never know what I might come up with!

Halfway along today's walk and I just want to keep going, no stopping, like Forrest Gump. Everyone's has a different limit, different things affect each of us differently. Change needs to happen, I need some light at the end of the tunnel. It should be moving out first, but at this rate it will have to be job change first, just interim, then move out, then the real plan. Too much for my little brain. #NotAGrownUp

Today's mini walk started with John Rzeznik's "I'm Still Here" on the playlist, love the lyrics to this. This particularly got me today, nope, not gonna stay in the precious little box they think I belong in! They can’t tell me who to be, ‘Cause I’m not what they see. Yeah, the world is still sleepin’, While I keep on dreamin’ for me. And their words are just whispers And lies that I’ll never believe. #LGBTQ

I'm definitely going to cry

@alice@lgbtqia.space See that would be a me in general type problem and not a you type problem, I'm generally agonising over every toot I post so I don't put my foot in it with anyone. Oh to have the confidence I had online 18ish years ago! Those were some fun times ;-) And will definitely say that if the world permits and I end up traveling to the USA again, there are a few people I would love to meet up with/bump into completely accidentally, and you are very high on that list!! A chat over a cup of tea if agreeable sounds lovely, but I'll bring my own bags based on last time lol

So friend was feeling a bit out of sorts, so offered an ear to listen. Two hours later I am finally sorting dinner, I can't remember the last time I've talked that easily with someone, unless it was like 19 odd years ago. Went over a lot of things, we're even talking about sorting out a proper meet up next month. Road trip incoming! 18/n #NotAGrownUp

@alice@lgbtqia.space Dunnock would be right at home here in the Fediverse, though they may have migrated from other older chatroom style sites, TIL they are polyandrous https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunnock

A thought came to me today while working, my brain diverting as usual, do we analyse so much, and look for ways to put feelings into nice tidy clinical boxes, that we sometimes lose the messiness and honesty of them because they have become so sanitised? Asking for me, not a friend, due to the messages we have been sending each other. 14/n #NotAGrownUp #LGBTQ+

Aw heck, but also aw yes! I'm going to have to draw a map at some point. Another thing to add to the list as I already have two pictures in progress for this story.

Sitting here balling my eyes out on the second read through of N. K. Jemisin's The Obelisk Gate, darn it Essun! This one is a harder read than The Fifth Season, but well worth it. #Bookstodon #NKJemisin

Reflecting is hard when you understand more of the other person's view of themselves and what happened at the time. I was sort of getting my head around friendship love in the last year or so [n1], this week has been another rabbit in the headlight moment. I want to say something, I want them to know how they felt wasn't wrong, they don't need to analyse it into a neat little box, but because of my first attempt at 13/14 that should have told me I was queer [n2], and the family I grew up in, I didn't know how to recognise anything like that or friendship love until now. I don't want to add more pressure, I don't know at what point our messaging needs to move to the "now", rather than putting the past in its place and leaving it there. This just feels important. [n1] What can I say? I'm a slow learner, for all the "old head on young shoulders" comments when I was growing up, emotions are hard. [n2] I barely knew what gay was, I didn't have role models that I recognised while being a sheltered late Gen X, the baby but not the baby in the family. 15/n #NotAGrownUp #LGBTQ+

Pondering whether I will be able to manage the Pride march I wanted to go to in Margate in 2.5 weeks (Kent, UK). Being 5.5 weeks post-op and only just up to walking a mile with a mini break halfway outside, I'm a bit worried I might still be overdoing it? As basic info, it was abdominal surgery. Just getting from the station to the starting area is further than I have been going so far, and I'm still pretty slow. Does anyone have experience of the route/event and area that can provide some advice? #Margate #Pride2026 #LGBTQ+

RE: https://things.uk/@eclectech/116965608902107446 I saw this and immediately thought of @alice@lgbtqia.space so I thought I'd share just in case they or anyone else was feeling the need for a gentle boop 😊

@May@lgbtqia.space Fab, enjoy! I marched last year at London Pride, first time, with work, one of my best days ever 🥰 Don't think I have laughed or cried so much in one day. Couldn't go up this year due to surgery, but going to a more local one in August.

@saxifraga@lgbtqia.space Completely agree, my tolerance for heat is much much lower, and I'd almost accept a week of rain at this point lol

Sheesh I have barely started N. K. Jemisin's - The Stone Sky, and already been hit with this absolute truth, I'd forgotten this one: "No need for guards when you can convince people to collaborate on their own internment" #Bookstodon #NKJemisin

An interesting toot week here on Fedi from my point of view, aside from chatting about my writing, I have enjoyed:

• A boosted toot that led me on a voyage of discovery with a converted American ambulance which is now a camper van, which gave me an idea of an electric mini van conversion (probably will remain a pipe dream 🙁), which linked in nicely to the following:

• Discovery of EMF Camp, oh wow, I wish I had known about this years ago! Looks so much fun, and if I could get the mini camper and the right companion, I'd still be up for it (looks full geek/nerd/maker/child/LGBTQ+/furry friendly). Also need to get my retro computer geek on at some point 😁

• And then I had a complete moment (waterworks were on) with a toot about intimacy, that made me realise exactly why the last 10 years have been rubbish on the relationship front. I really miss good deep/nerdy conversations with a cuddle...

Happy to reshare toots, but haven't quite figured out quote tooting yet!

#LGBTQ+ #EMFcamp #Intimacy

Music always seems to reenergise me, cooking plus music on shuffle 100% better, plus I get to boogie around the kitchen. So far, Goo Goo Dolls followed by Avril Lavigne 🥰 Just need "Girlfriend" to come up and the day is made

Just read a toot regarding the web back in the 1990's, when it was static and you could happily write markdown in a text editor. I still have my books on DHTML, HTML 5, CSS 3 etc. This has given me an idea (not that I need anymore of those right now), I'm looking to move out of finance into writing or creating physical items, which is going to be a slow and hard process, might not even work. But I like the idea of building myself a static website to complement this and maybe as a platform to sell. It would mean I would still be using my technical skills. Did a quick search and am seeing things like Ecwid can be used as a plugin, but have no idea if this would be trying to do too much myself as I haven't even got close to e-commerce before. I don't want to go anywhere near Etsy, Shopify, Wix or the like. Whatever I do I need to balance this with my mental health but this has provided a spark I have been missing for quite a few years so would like to dig further into this if I can. Just looking for a more sustainable way forward for the next how many years on our shared planet and that is better for my mind. #AskFedi #StaticWeb #webdev #SmallWeb #Makers

@alice@lgbtqia.space Oh goodness! Sending advance boops and hugs if needed/accepted to get you through the day 💖