The random shit I see on Facebook! The man across the aisle thought the airplane Wi-Fi network was a distress signal.
And for about four minutes, I honestly understood why.
This happened on an Alaska Airlines flight from San Francisco to Portland, which is usually the kind of flight where everyone has either a Patagonia jacket, a laptop, or a reusable water bottle that looks like it has been on more hikes than I have.
I was in 12C.
Aisle seat.
Across from me in 12D was a man in his early sixties with reading glasses, a newspaper, and the intense energy of someone who still prints hotel confirmations.
He seemed nice.
A little serious.
The kind of man who says “the internet” like it’s a location.
We took off.
Totally normal.
Seatbelt sign went off.
People opened laptops.
Someone two rows up immediately started watching a movie without headphones, because apparently society is fragile.
I pulled out my phone to connect to the Wi-Fi.
That’s when the man across the aisle leaned over.
Him: “Excuse me.”
Me: “Yeah?”
Him: “Do you see that?”
Me: “See what?”
Him: “On the Wi-Fi.”
I looked at my phone.
There were several networks.
Alaska_WiFi.
Alaska_Guest.
Somebody’s hotspot called “NotYourHotspot.”
And one that said:
HELP_IM_STUCK_ON_A_PLANE
I stared at it.
He stared at it.
Then he whispered, “That seems bad.”
To be fair.
It did seem bad.
Me: “I think that’s probably somebody’s phone hotspot.”
Him: “Why would someone name it that?”
Me: “Because people are strange.”
Him: “Should we tell someone?”
Me: “I don’t think so.”
Him: “It says help.”
Now the woman in 12E, next to him, looks over.
Woman: “What says help?”
Him: “The Wi-Fi.”
Woman: “The Wi-Fi says help?”
Me: “A hotspot says help.”
Woman: “That feels different from regular help.”
The man holds up his phone like it’s evidence in a trial.
Him: “Look.”
Woman: “Oh.”
Me: “It’s probably a joke.”
Him: “Probably?”
Me: “Most likely.”
Woman: “I don’t love ‘most likely’ at 30,000 feet.”
Now the guy behind me leans forward.
Behind guy: “Did someone say help?”
Me: “No.”
Him: “The Wi-Fi did.”
Behind guy: “The Wi-Fi asked for help?”
Me: “The Wi-Fi did not ask for help. Someone named their hotspot weird.”
A college student across the aisle takes out one AirPod.
College student: “What’s the hotspot called?”
The man shows him.
College student: “Oh, that’s hilarious.”
Him: “It is not hilarious.”
College student: “It kind of is.”
Woman: “Could it be a crew code?”
Me: “I really don’t think the crew is using public Wi-Fi names to communicate.”
Behind guy: “You never know.”
This is how it spreads.
One concerned man.
One weird hotspot name.
One row of people with too much imagination.
Within sixty seconds, rows 11 through 13 are aware that someone’s phone is named HELP_IM_STUCK_ON_A_PLANE.
The flight attendant walks by with a trash bag.
The man raises his hand.
Him: “Excuse me.”
Flight attendant: “Yes?”
Him: “There’s something on the Wi-Fi.”
Flight attendant: “Okay.”
Him: “It says help.”
Flight attendant: “The Wi-Fi says help?”
Me: “It’s a hotspot.”
Flight attendant: “Ah.”
Him: “Do you know whose it is?”
Flight attendant: “No, sir.”
Him: “Shouldn’t we find out?”
Flight attendant: “I’m going to guess someone thought they were funny.”
The college student raises his hand slightly.
College student: “To be fair, they were.”
The man does not appreciate this.
Him: “What if someone is actually stuck?”
Flight attendant: “Sir, we are all technically stuck on the plane.”
College student: “That’s the joke.”
I had to look down.
I could not laugh.
The flight attendant stayed very calm.
Flight attendant: “I’ll make a quick announcement, okay?”
Him: “Thank you.”
Me: “Oh no.”
Woman: “This is going to get worse.”
The flight attendant walked to the front.
A second later, the speaker clicked on.
Flight attendant: “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a small request. If your phone hotspot is named HELP_IM_STUCK_ON_A_PLANE, could you please rename it or turn it off? It is causing some concern in row 12.”
Silence.
Then half the plane started laughing.
Not quiet laughing.
Full-body, Sunday-night-airport-exhaustion laughing.
A hand slowly went up in row 18.
A guy in a beanie yelled, “My bad!”
The flight attendant looked down the aisle.
Flight attendant: “Thank you, sir.”
The man across the aisle turned bright red.
Him: “I was just being cautious.”
Me: “Honestly, fair.”
Woman: “It did say help.”
College student: “And we were on a plane.”
The guy from row 18 walked up later to use the bathroom and stopped by our row.
Beanie guy: “Sorry about that.”
Him: “You named your phone that?”
Beanie guy: “My brother did it last Thanksgiving and I forgot.”
Him: “For months?”
Beanie guy: “I don’t use hotspot much.”
Woman: “Your brother has caused aviation confusion.”
Beanie guy: “He’d be proud.”
The serious man looked like he wanted to be mad, but couldn’t fully get there.
Him: “You should change it.”
Beanie guy: “Already did.”
Me: “What is it now?”
Beanie guy: “Definitely_Not_A_Distress_Signal.”
The college student almost fell out of his seat.
The man just stared.
Him: “That is not better.”
Flight attendant, passing by: “It is a little better.”
After that, the whole section relaxed.
The man across the aisle eventually smiled, just a little.
He folded his newspaper, looked at me, and said, “I suppose I overreacted.”
Me: “Maybe a little.”
Woman: “But if it had been real, you would’ve been the hero.”
College student: “Row 12: cybersecurity division.”
Him: “I am not in cybersecurity.”
Me: “You are now.”
For the rest of the flight, every time the flight attendant passed, she gave him updates.
Flight attendant: “No further Wi-Fi emergencies.”
Him: “Very funny.”
Flight attendant: “We remain safely connected.”
Him: “You’re enjoying this.”
Flight attendant: “A little.”
When we landed in Portland, people stood up immediately because apparently airplane seats become lava after touchdown.
The guy from row 18 walked past us.
Beanie guy: “Safe travels, row 12.”
College student: “Stay vigilant.”
Woman: “Rename your phone.”
Him: “Please.”
As we walked off the plane, the flight attendant stood by the door.
She looked at the man and said, “Thank you for protecting the network.”
He tried not to smile.
Failed.
Him: “Somebody had to.”
And honestly?
He wasn’t wrong.
Because most of us saw a weird Wi-Fi name and thought, “That’s dumb.”
He saw it and thought, “Not on my watch.”
A little dramatic?
Yes.
But somewhere between San Francisco and Portland, one retired-looking guy with a newspaper briefly became the self-appointed sheriff of airplane Wi-Fi.
And I respect that.
Remote
Munchkinbear
@munchkinbear@mastodon.stickbear.me
mastodon 4.8.0-alpha.3+glitchAvid reader, scifi fan, AT trainer. Feel free to say high! head Administrator of the mastodon.stickbear.me instance. But do not reach out to me directly for help, contact the administration account for instance help if you need it. Please note that this is my *personal* social media space, and the opinions expressed herein are my own and do not reflect my professional feelings, and are not the opinions of those entities or organizations that I work for or that I volunteer for, or that I'm otherwise affiliated with on a professional level. If something I say/post/repost offends you, don't let the door hit you on the way out.
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I literally just wentt current on mastodon while sitting in the final session before banquit of #acbb2026/#acb26 while using remote incident manager mobile from @pneumasolutions@social.pneumasolutions.com to control my PC. I'm seriously considering adding unattended targets to my account to do this work.
apparently @payown@dragonscave.space isn't running general session audio this morning as it's all about that base no trebble, lol. They finally fixed it. #ACB26 #ACB2026
hey @hallen@tweesecake.social that's your wife hosting zoom for the general session! #acb2026 #acb26. I'd mention her on mastodon but I don't nkow if she has it. :-)
with convention wrapping today, I'm just relaxing, I'm scheduled to depart Saturday so tomorrow I'll get to top and tailing recordings that I need to keep, some of them won't be kept because the sessions went overtime and my scheduler cut them off. as I think zoom should have, lol. kidding! #acb2026 #acb26 @kd6cae@dragonscave.space
their's already an NVDA addon that already fixes this issue, Microsoft, so if a fre screen reader can remap the copilot key, you and your extra dollars can do it, so less talk, more action. #ACB2026/#ACB26
Replying to
@Tooden@aus.social well that person is a fucking idiot. and I hope got banned from flying, forever or is serving time behind bars.
Replying to
@startrek2025@mastodon.stickbear.me if you don't want to sit at the bar or at a high-topped table then you wait for an extra 60 minutes, so how's about you stop bitching about it. #IfYouKnowYouKnow. #ACB2026 #acb26 @kd6cae@dragonscave.space
I'm sitting in general session of #acb2026, after having dinner with @startrek2025@mastodon.stickbear.me and @kd6cae@dragonscave.space. One thing I already noticed is that we have tables and chairs. #acb26
Replying to
@Tooden@aus.social oh, they do indeed.
mother nature? it's nearly the middle of May, what the actual fuck!
Frost Advisory issued May 11 at 12:58PM EDT until May 12 at 8:00AM EDT by NWS Cleveland OH
* WHAT...Temperatures as low as 33 will result in frost formation.
* WHERE...Portions of north central, northeast, and northwest Ohio
and northwest Pennsylvania.
* WHEN...From midnight tonight to 8 AM EDT Tuesday.
* IMPACTS...Frost could harm sensitive outdoor vegetation. Sensitive
outdoor plants may be killed if left uncovered.
Take steps now to protect tender plants from the cold.
Issued: 2026-05-11 12:58 PM
Expires: 2026-05-11 9:00 PM
Replying to
@JamminJerry@mastodon.stickbear.me I haven't had that in awhile, and I should get it! and if I remember correctly domino's cooks the onions, so I won't be sending people to outer space with my farts. Now, I'm gonna learn to operate my computer and send things from the right account, mkay? @LunarPhoenix@someplace.social @Joe@caneandable.social
Replying to
@bmoore123@tweesecake.social I miss that bundle of fur.
my manager goes, do you want to touch a bat? a live one? me, hell no! him, actually, it's a 3-d printed one. me, flips him off. lol. Him, I earned that. Other manager, stop screwing with the blind guy. lol. #nfb26
Replying to
@mcourcel@allovertheplace.ca he's the male version of Molly burk. @gtbray@allovertheplace.ca
Replying to
@bmoore123@tweesecake.social yay for apartment sized lab!
Replying to
@amy0223@mindly.social I see 80's over the weekend.
once I finish the latest women's murder club I think I'm gonna finally binge Law and order Toronto Criminal intent. Since I'm all caught up on the rest of the law and order stuff that's still airing. Or maybe I'll binge the Pitt. Who knows. with a lot of primetime stuff being done for the season, it's time to catch up on tv thingies I keep meaning to catch up on.
Replying to
@mew@fwoof.space well report the sound to @Orinks@mastodon.stickbear.me to have him replace it.
Replying to
@RaineyDay@dragonscave.space But see now I have to ask you, have you, hugged your instapot today? Lol!
Replying to
@countrymetalhead@someplace.social sadly I don't fb a lot, I'm more youtube, etc. :-) @startrek2025@mastodon.stickbear.me @mcourcel@allovertheplace.ca @gtbray@allovertheplace.ca
Replying to
@mew@fwoof.space @simon@procrastodon.net nodnodnod.
Replying to
@LunarPhoenix@someplace.social they took my seat to. merf. @katbottner@mastodon.social
Replying to
@katbottner@mastodon.social I know, right?
Replying to
@simon@procrastodon.net and sadly, I could never reproduce this issue when you first reported it back then and I've had multiple phones since IOS 14 and still cannot reproduce this issue, ever..
Replying to
@bmoore123@tweesecake.social @mcourcel@allovertheplace.ca if I wasn't literally about to run out the door to be an actual adult and do adult things, I would, I'll mark this to poke at when I get home.
Replying to
@katbottner@mastodon.social I had to buy a knew ticket, money hungry conductor. lol. @LunarPhoenix@someplace.social
hey @FreakyFwoof@universeodon.com for some reason #SendorReadout if I'm connected to an AT&T hotspot, (AT&T here in the US) my network status key doesn't show any information about the provider or the location, etc. IT only shows: Connected: Connected; Status: Up; RX: 39.6 KB/s; TX: 408.1 KB/s; speed: 1.2 Gbps; TSRX: 4.6 KB/s; TSTX: 354.4 KB/s. PM me with what logs you need to try and possibly fix it? OR is this something it's calling to get that info and the provider it's calling for things like provider name, city, state, etc. just doesn't recognize AT&T mobile hotspots, lol.
Replying to
@fastfinge@fed.interfree.ca I'm debating getting one, i wonder if it'll play ball with bitwarden my self-hosted password thingy. grins.
Replying to
@JonathanMosen@caneandable.social such an amazing door prize! not!
Replying to
@Kingslayer@mastodon.stickbear.me agreed! :-)
Replying to
@RandomFire@fwoof.space @Kingslayer@mastodon.stickbear.me facts! considering it'll be in the eighties this weekend!
Replying to
@countrymetalhead@someplace.social have you checked sndvol to make sure it's volume is up?
Replying to
the copilot key on surface, and the chage of the right control or removal of the context menu key on OEM machines was stupid, it should never have happened, neal, lol. #nfb26
Replying to
@countrymetalhead@someplace.social damn that makes no sense.
I apparently don't get away this year without coming down with convention crud. I blame those that came to convention knowingly sick. What a door prize to win! lol! #nfb26
Replying to
@JamminJerry@mastodon.stickbear.me @jane_jordan@dragonscave.space @TheQuinbox@dragonscave.space I'm on run 6, lol. no more quests.
Replying to
@bmoore123@tweesecake.social @mcourcel@allovertheplace.ca southwest does that shit to. It's like duh!
Replying to
@countrymetalhead@someplace.social oh it happens at ACB I'm told, but it's not as public as NFB. lol.
Replying to
@JamminJerry@mastodon.stickbear.me mother fucking nature! lol.
braille monitor the first publication available in E-braille. #nfb26
Replying to
@katbottner@mastodon.social it didn't even include cash! lol.
Replying to
@countrymetalhead@someplace.social I had to reauthenticate with the alexa skill, but things seem to be behaving otherwise. @ratking@mastodon.stickbear.me
Replying to
@countrymetalhead@someplace.social lol, blindy girl I haven't actually looked at, lol. @startrek2025@mastodon.stickbear.me @mcourcel@allovertheplace.ca @gtbray@allovertheplace.ca
Replying to
@bmoore123@tweesecake.social @mcourcel@allovertheplace.ca everyone uses that stupid date widgit and it's broken!