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I am a very normal person. It is vitally important to me that you also believe I am a very normal person.
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Jon Baker
@JonBaker@mastodon.social
mastodon 4.8.0-nightly.2026-10-06Geek, father, artist, and lover of all things comedy. Despite my better judgement, I draw the webcomic Alarmingly Bad.
Mostly here to joke and shitpost. Comics over on the Alarmingly Bad Masto account!
2513 Followers
224 Following
50 Posts
Joined March 30, 2017
Alarmingly Bad Masto account:
Just My Toots:
Spider-LAN
Boosted by @trending@homestead.social
ME: Do you think we all secretly worship the sleep god Somnambulax and that our beds are the altars upon which we pray to him?
INTERVIEWER: …questions about the *job*?
Boosted by @trending@homestead.social
Thanks to inflation, my delusions of grandeur have effectively shrunk to delusions of mediocrity
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“Can I see you in my office?”
Yeah, probably, I don’t turn invisible or anything
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BREAKING: FDA recalls all vegetables not currently serving in the US Senate
Boosted by @trending@homestead.social
Don’t repeat the same mistakes
Make newer, more bewildering mistakes
ME: Sorry, lost my self-driving car of thought for a second
WIFE: Isn’t it “train of thought”?
ME: *watches internally as the self-driving car of thought in my head runs over my inner child and spontaneously catches fire*
ME: No.
HEY NOW, ALL STAR, PUT THAT BACK IN YOUR PANTS
From the people that brought you “Moderate Enthusiasm” and “Somewhat Interested” comes
Cake Pop Demon Hunters
is that anything
I was hooked on phonics once. The withdrawals were brutal.
Went completely nonverbal for a few weeks.
Tired of being a Basic Bitch?
Upgrade to Bitch+ for just $5.99/month
In my defense, I didn’t think I’d make it this far
If it’s your first orgy and you’re nervous just picture everybody clothed
Are you hungry at 3 AM? Do you have too many teeth? Come to Waffle House and square up, motherfucker
Waffle House: Your Pit Stop On The Road To Valhalla™
I, too, talked with Mitch McConnell for 20 minutes
AI only seems useful if you’re used to being useless
This plushie is my spirit animal
BABYSITTER: Whatcha got there, little man?
BABY HITMAN: A mystery mouseketool. *cocks pistol* It’s a surprise tool that can help us later
Brought spices on a plane, call me a thyme traveler
MY DAD: “You know what I’ve been doing when your mom goes to bed at like 10? I hop onto YouTube and watch drone tutorials and 3D printing videos. Even throw them up on the big TV and watch them.”
ME: “Dad, it would have been less weird if you told me you just watched porn at that hour”
The Woke Mob, but it’s just like the regular mob so they respect your pronouns or whatever when they bust your kneecaps for not paying them protection money
I really hope I never become lactose intolerant later in life
If shitting my pants is the price I have to pay to eat ice cream, I’m worried that’s not enough of a deterrent
ME: Blood pressure is just blood force divided by blood area
DOCTOR: These numbers are really concerning can you take this seriously
I don’t know if heaven exists, but hell is real and we made it ourselves
“Say one good thing about this administration”
Well I guess I no longer wonder what I’d do with the Death Note if I ever got it. That’s not nothing.
“I feel the need, the need for meth” just doesn’t have the same ring to it
I’m at the coooooooombination Dunkin’ Donuts Papa Gino’s
I am a simple man
If your restaurant’s menu has a burger that uses grilled cheeses as the burger bun, I’m going to fucking order it
Replying to
@tehfishman@ioc.exchange a whole grilled cheese as a top bun. A whole grilled cheese as a bottom bun. Cheeseburger in between
BROKE: Reading the card explains the card
WOKE: Eating the card consumes the card
FINANCIAL ADVICE, 2006: Take your leftover monthly income and invest it in a diversified market index and watch it grow over time
FINANCIAL ADVICE, 2026: Bet on yourself winning games of Russian Roulette on Kalshi. It’s win-win!
Hammock! At the Disco
BOXING TRAINER: Bob and weave! Bob and weave!
ME, NOT YET COMFORTABLE ENOUGH AT THE BOXING GYM TO USE NICKNAMES: Robert and Weaver! Robert and Weaver!
Replying to
@GreatBigTable@mastodon.social @dbsalk@mastodon.social I look forward to disappointing you both at some point
We did it, America, we did the meme