DirtyOldTown

If anyone wants to meet up at Riot Fest this weekend, I'll be the gray-haired Gen X white man in a band t-shirt and Doc Martens. Can't miss me.

-Someone needs to shut off that vandalism beacon.
-That what?
-Vandalism beacon. The noise and lights coming from that car.
-That's an anti-theft alarm.
-Have you ever, in your life, considered going up to a car to see if you could prevent its theft?
-No.
-Have you ever considered vandalizing a car making that noise?
-Huh. Vandalism beacon.

As I have gotten older, I have refined a version of my life story in which I resist wearing logos and company branding as an extension of the punk rock ethos I developed as a teen.

My mom heard me tell this version of my story and said, "That's bullcrap. When you were four years old and had just learned to read you asked me who Nike was. I told you about the company and you said, 'Well I don't know him and I don't want his name on my stuff.'"

So I guess I was always like this?

People are skeptical he'd really pay the $5000, but he also promised to end the war with Iran and he's done that like six times already.

I don't know exactly how legit the burrito recipe I am making tomorrow is, but I know that halfway through scanning my items, the lady at the pan-ethnic store switched from speaking in English to speaking in Spanish.

I came across a debate that seemingly smart people were having about "which data centers are AI."

ALL OF THEM, Y'ALL. Every single one.

Yes, there are some large ones being built now specifically for AI.

But as someone who works in telecom and has dealt with literally dozens of data centers, they are literally all hosting AI. Via apps, via local instances of popular AI services, etc. ALL OF THEM.

First Dolly, now Tim Curry?

Celebrities die in threes, right?

OH BOY, HAVE I GOT A NOMINEE TO FINSH OFF THIS TRIAD.

I posted in the subreddit for Jason Molina fans that I have two tickets for the 8/28 show in Chicago at Lincoln Hall and was immediately deluged by bots trying to scam me out of my "BTS tickets."

The future is stupid.

I realize it's probably a default option for products, but I cannot tell you how traumatized I was when the options bar on the left of my Amazon search for "toilet seat" offered both New and USED as options.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but if you have even a third of a load of dishes, running the dishwasher uses less water than handwashing them.

Turn off the tap and let the machine do it.

My current career stage is: I never wanted to give the corporate world a single thing; I gave them a lot, but still less than they asked; I would like to do the math to see if I can leave them and stop pretending to give a shit.

Now working from home every day and I had forgotten the number of times my dog issues an IMPORTANT ALERT THAT PEOPLE ARE OUTSIDE ON THE STREET, ON THE SIDEWALK, OR IN THEIR OWN DRIVEWAYS. #DogsOfMastodon

Today, I'm being my best self by not responding to my older brother's engagement with, "Maybe the THIRD TIME is the charm!"

Rango got a new toy with a loop of rope on either end. He immediately tore one side open.

So now it's a noose. #DogsOfMastodon

Dirty sodas are so weird to me. Someone looked at a full-sugar soda and said, "Not enough sugar OR calories. And let's throw in some fat while we're at it."

My politics are guillotine/pitchfork.

I don't know when exactly I escaped my most recent bout of autistic burnout, but the fact that talking to other humans now makes me feel better instead of worse makes me feel pretty sure about being on the other side. #ActuallyAutistic

Not yucking anyone's yum, but I cannot in the year 2026 understand still wanting more Star Wars. There is so much Star Wars already. I just personally do need any more ever again. This is not a judgment on the tastes of people who do want more, just me noting once again, where I seem to be out of sync with the zeitgeist.

The thing about trying to be a better person every year of your life is that if you're basically pulling it off, you're also making looking back into a whole lot of YEESH.

Why can't he just fucking die and then we all gather round the campfire and sing "Yub Nub"?

Sure, he may start a nuclear war tonight. But the previous guy fucking STUTTERED.

Cookout host: "Hey, Sir Mix-A-Lot! Glad you made it to the friends and pets cookout. Oh wow, and that is quite a snake there! Hi fella! Anyway, you're a little late, but we do still have a few brats left, but we did run out of bread..."
Sir Mix-A-Lot: [takes a deep breath]

TFW someone is presenting from PowerPoint, has a one hour block, and after 20 minutes, has covered 3 slides out of 25.

I went to YouTube to find a live clip of Skeeter Davis singing "The End of the World" and found some AI-generated monstrosity in which an alien with Skeeter's hair and Eugene Levy's eyebrows mouthed along to the song while her neck undulated like she was about to explode into a pile of snakes. Maybe we deserve this.

I was attempting to describe the way my work laptop has slowed to a crawl. I was struck by how many commonly used phrases for this there are that leapt to mind which are somewhere between insensitive uses of medical terminology and just outright ableist.

The best part of having windows in your front door is being able to see canvassing salespeople through them and then being able to decide simply not to answer.