eazy 
Self dx Autistic, ADHD, alexithyma, CPTSD | maybe insomnia not ADHD, ASPD | technologist, integrations, automation, SRE | married | father | blogger
I don’t know
This phrase probably contributed 40% of my punishment as a kid. As a parent now, I understand mine wanted to understand why I did the behavior and interpreted my answer as covering up or evasion. They thought I didn't want to get someone else in trouble, had nefarious motivation, didn't want additional punishment, etc. But... I had interoception issues. I didn't my emotions at the time I did the thing.
Talking on the phone
Morgan Foley: “If you have ADHD, do you also absolutely hate talking on the phone?” Ugh. Yes. Phone calls are the worst. I attempt to structure my life around NOT talking on the phone. Use an app Use a website Text to the person Anything other than a phone call. I will even take an in-person meeting over a phone call.
Good take on the scientific misunderstanding of #ADHD https://thediagnosis.substack.com/p/a-generation-got-told-their-brains @actuallyadhd@fedigroups.social
Sensory hell day 2
After yesterday's sensory hell stuff, my wife had made plans for the loudest, most annoying of my daughter's friends to spend the day. The kid my wife complained about spending a couple hours with us after school a couple of times in the past few weeks. So, we all knew the day would be loud and potentially overwhelming. It started early as her dad dropped her off before going to work.
Sensory hell
My wife and daughter love a studio that does painting ceramics. It physically hurts me. The first time I went, something made me hurt. I wasn't sure what at the time. I just knew I felt off. That's what sensory stuff usually initially feels like. There's something wrong. No idea what. I sort of have to experiment to figure out what.
Dinner disassociation
Something I grew up with as a kid, was a mother who preferred to read at dinner instead of talk. She only did this by herself or with her kids present. I liked it, and as a solo adult, I adopted the same. I don't do this with my own kid. There's a couple possibilities with this habit. Either this was rest, which leads to recovery, grounding, and feeling good emotions.
Thought the whole point of souls rested in differentiation of humans from animals? Therefore dogs in a shelter cannot be souls.
Kids
I have always been a kid magnet. Like they see me as a big teddy bear or maybe fellow kid? The kid they can go to to get away with stuff other adults will deny. In spending time with my daughter's class the past week for Field Day, a picnic walk, awards, etc., these kids have really glommed on to me.
https://eazyaudhd.wordpress.com/2026/05/22/kids/?utm_source=mastodon&utm_medium=jetpack_social
"... only witches and shamans feel comfortable [always] spending time by themselves."* My people!
* Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihaly https://app.thestorygraph.com/books/a7817486-804b-4997-be5f-a816629a9875
Also...
* books
* video games
* collectibles
* food
* places
* other clothes
Teasing out symptoms
My wife and I were walking and talking while our daughter and niece were in class. I mentioned a cousin of hers has autistic kids as part of the challenge. It drew her up short. We've agreed on one having a bunch of autistic behaviors, but we've not really talked about the other one. She thought about it and remarked that her cousin's spouse doesn't strike her as autistic, so maybe it came from her side of the family?
Callous Your Mind — Embrace Discomfort
Goggins often talks about how most people quit at only 40% of their full potential. His philosophy? Train your mind like you train your body — through repeated exposure to discomfort. I train my body by sitting in a not so comfortable chair. I think his philosophy means something else, so maybe isn't really applicable to me.
Comparison competition
At home, we separated the cats a couple weeks ago. The brother and sister in one part of the house. The OG in another. The OG has lost a ton of weight. She definitely only eats when hungry. She's not competing with the other two and throwing up every couple days from overeating. I kind of feel that employers use work for something similar.
My wife hates watching stuff with commercials. Most streaming services are moving to ads. One can pay more for no commercials, and she's the account owner for most of the ones with commercials. Yet... she doesn't change the subscription. And complains almost every time they happen and doesn't watch content she wants to watch because of this. So she pays for services she's not using because of it.
Disney+, last I checked, is a weird case. Disney content is ad free, but Hulu is not. We have the combo plan with both, which is cheaper. To go ad-free, she would need to cancel the combo plan and get separate plans with an ad-free Hulu plan. Not sure Hulu content would continue in the Disney+ app, so we'd have to go back to independent apps on a television unable to handle the few we have on it. (There's a Roku plugged into it allowing additional apps.)
She's pushing our kid not to use services with ads. Complicated with Disney+ as Hulu content is mixed in.
Just is a four-letter word
Some people say "four-letter word" as a euphemism for curse words, aka foul language. It only entered my musings when my daughter struggled with "help." At a certain developmental stage, humans reject assistance. They know independently doing the task leads to mastery. Parents require rote experience of allowing the offspring to do things to learn. It's a challenge in patience. Building in extra time into the routine.
Friends revisit
Work's stupid encouragement program made me feel a bit rejected the other day with... You may have hundreds of social media friends, work colleagues, or community connections, but do you have a best friend… someone who shares compassion, kindness, and affection? No. It goes on to provide suggestions on how to keep a best friend. I haven't had a best friend in over a decade.
Job evaluation with RSD
I despise job evaluations. I've never gotten a bad one where I needed a performance improvement plan. I've maybe had items where I was marked as average, and maybe a few marked as below average. Those below average put me into a spiral for months thinking I was going to get fired. One of the things we've had almost decades on these are futures goals and how well the previous goals were met.