Before dx: fetch water, chop wood
After dx: understand why and fetch water, chop wood
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mastodon 4.8.0-nightly.2026-10-06In my sixties and realising that I'm not "a bit autistic" - I am autistic - and that's why life has been so hard.
Starting #AutisticOver50 to connect with elders.
Took me a while because I've done ok and thought others must find things hard too. That didn't make sense but I assumed I was just shy, had some trauma etc., and felt bad for not being able to do stuff easily.
Realising I'm wired this way everything makes sense.
#DemandAvoidance & #RejectionSensitivity.
Man in #Gloucestershire UK
141 Followers
8 Following
30 Posts
Joined March 18, 2023
#ActuallyAutistic Rock, paper, scissors:
Habit beats goblin mode
Goblin mode beats meltdown
Meltdown beats habit
To soon? 😀
After what for many would be a great weekend away, showing my wife around a beautiful city I know well, visiting my daughter and her wife to see my new granddaughter (who watched me while I held her, then slept in my arms), staying at a dogtastic BnB (puppy included) with a very social and helpful host and eating out *twice*, plus long drives there and back...
..this #ActuallyAutistic is in spoon deficit. I'd even say in shock for want of a better description.
But at least now I realise.
The void where I'm awaiting a response from someone is terrible for me. For example a text or email, or even a letter (less so).
It feeds into my #ActuallyAutistic #anxiety.
I used to connect this with trauma, due to a temporary separation from my mother when very young but am wondering if it's mostly autism. The anxiety of being with uncertainty which I know well in other contexts.
Do other autis experience this?
Have I ever mentioned how wonderful my wife is? 🤣
Yesterday for ex, she told me her friend is visiting with her partner and two kids, who I've not met. [Me, invisibly enters brace position]
She explained how one of the kids wants to see her engine (we live on boats) and asked if I'd like to join them. I answer no immediately. She says, that's ok, I didn't think you would but if you want to of course you can.
❤️ #ActuallyAutistic ❤️
Today I completed the last task in the administration of my mum's estate.
It's been very stressful because of how difficult I find uncertainty. Dealing with people and systems involved has been knee deep in unreliability and uncertainty. Nothing works any more - many things once did btw.
I was surprised that grief came up after the last simple action was done. Now it's just me and mum, I can just remember and grieve. I've done the last thing she asked of me and did it well.
#ActuallyAutistic
Replying to
@MaryAustinBooks@mstdn.social I once nearly peed in a sink in an alcove on a corridor because I'm #ActuallyAutistic and my mind was elsewhere.
Later, I learned that some Japanese visitors actually did this. 🤣
If anyone appears in my feed from another platform due to a bot I block them. If you're not here, I'm not interested.
Replying to
Having said that I want to honour my mum.
Once I was old enough to have a voice we had a difficult relationship. She always trying to look after me, and me wanting to get away and be free from her attention.
It took a long time but eventually I wanted to reconnect with her and dad, and thankfully we did.
She, like me didn't know why I was different, but now I see how she did her best. She was always on my side, always trying to help but blindfolded. Her love was indefatigable.
Thanks mum ❤️
Replying to
@Zumbador I'm interested to know if this helps others much because the thing that - after years of telling myself this was true - it was only when I self diagnosed that it really became true for me. That I could begin to see my needs properly let alone accept them. Until then I was stuck in struggling on.
I believe the biggest part of this was realising that I wasn't alone. We're all different here, but I found I related to do many parts of other autistics' experiences.
@barefootrambling@autistics.life I think I read the first sentence and said fuck this. I won't open it again to check lest I explode.
@autistics@fedigroups.social
Replying to
Some years ago I read a tweet that stated, that autistic people's memories are sharp pictures while allistic people have kind of blurred movies. I don't know if that's true, but makes sense in this context.
FYI my experience is the opposite of this. Even as a young man my peers remembered things in far more detail than I and I've always had a worse memory for detail than most around me. I get by, I even excel, but I have to work harder than others to get to their level.
I'm still learning how sensitive I am (in my sixties, late self dx #ActuallyAutistic).
A "small" thing happens, I'm nonverbal in shock and panic, but without realising it.
After a few minutes of listening and watching inside myself, comes recognition and understanding.
I begin processing, thoughts become more balanced and I eventually reach safety and can respond to the cause - a shout from my wife - without blame, or wanting her to not do that. She hears me, I hear her and I'm so grateful.
@meadow@lgbtqia.space In this case I don't see much difference between a bot and a hashtag. People only see a hashtagged post because they are following the hashtag or the bot that reshares it. So what's the difference?
24 Hours and no acknowledgement from #SmileBank of my complaint. They've relocked my account immediately after unlocking it at the cost of a 35 minute phone call, and I have no idea if they are even aware of it.
I can't face another call because I'm #ActuallyAutistic and just when life was calming down, they do this for no reason they can give me. Twice in one day. Fuckers.
Smile, AKA #CoopBank. Yeh right, look at my face.
Replying to
@MaryAustinBooks@mstdn.social omaybe this is meant to turn everyone who thinks gender is binary away, and those who know it depends will be free to pee behind whichever for feels right too them?
Replying to
- Therefore I have an allistic ally! I've long thought blaming and criticising allistic people was a dead end and never did that. Lots of us do wrong things out of ignorance and stay stuck unable to change that, so better to make friends where that works and find better where it doesn't.
Replying to
@AutisticDoctorStruggles
Yes, it's a nice way to remind myself - by saying this in my head - that what they are saying is not about me. 🤣
@loops
Replying to
@Nonya_Bidniss This is a superb article though I have a criticism. I think the diverse nature of Autism et al should be stressed alongside this being his particular experience. I expect most #ActuallyAutistic people will relate to almost everything here, as I did, but I'm different too.
Without that, neurotypicals and people who are less sure about their own neurodivergence could take this as defining Autism instead of one autistic person describing his experience of common traits (very well).
Replying to
@Thorn@toot.garden yeh, I was just starting to understand this apparent contradiction myself.
I realised it is very much about listening to my body, feelings etc and hearing them screaming no and not ignoring that. I set boundaries and people do not like them. I choose those who are ok with me as I am and accept my needs.
Someone posted and image a day or so ago about unmasking, a bunch of words connected by a wiggly line. That was good too. Wish I'd bookmarked it so am bookmarking this video.
Thanks.
Replying to
@pathfinder@beige.party I can relate to the autistic aspect, and feel empathy for the others "on the bus" because they're all misfits. Everyone is though, it's just a matter of degree.
Just remembered why I like #ThePredator. It's not just because it's funny and a good #movie, it's inclusive and shows several people who aren't normies in a good light. #ActuallyAutistic
Oh, and quote "You know, a lot of experts say that, being on the spectrum isn't really a disorder. It's actually the next step in the evolutionary chain.".
#ActuallyAutistic
Replying to
Remembering #BillOddie who has died age 85 and the laughs he gave me as a child working with his buddies in #TheGoodies every week. The "jockey compound" and "apart height"? Funky gibbon🙏
Despite success of The Goodies, top 40 and one top ten single, helping create and star in the genre of nature TV.
After all that he said his most lucrative work was voiceovers for ads. The money for poisoning people's minds was more than all that. What an awful system we live in.
#advertising is mind control
Replying to
@alicemcalicepants@ohai.social
Me too, except the creative writing bit 🤣
@KatyElphinstone@mas.to