#actuallyaudhd

#Journal of a Dutch AuDHD Pixy (Tuesday, 22/09/2026). After a bit of a decent night, with almost 7 hours of sleep in total, I woke up again, and saw that it was time to start our "day". So, I got up, let Koa out of his crate, and we started our routine. I made Koa his food, and then I let him out so he could do his business. I took my meds, and when Koa was ready, we headed to the couch. I got my laptop out, and started writing my email reply to my sweet friend. I wanted to check something in my blog app, and then I saw that Monday’s post had never been shared. It was all ready to go, but I guess that, instead of pressing “schedule”, I only hit the save button. I was so bummed as I was afraid that this meant I lost my 6+ years daily posting streak. 😢 I quickly shared the post, and got back to the email. Before I could finish it, Koa was letting me know that he was eager to go out for walkies. So, as a good servant to my little lord, I obeyed his wishes and we headed out. We had our little walk, and it was more chilly night, with it being about 12°C. Koa did his things, and I cursed about the damned rabbits again. They always run off the field when they see us coming. But then, they go ahead a bit, wait till they see Koa again, and go ahead some more. Koa, with his love of chasing moving things, will try to pull me out of my shoes if I'm not careful! And besides Koa liking to follow the long-eared fluffy things, he also enjoys their droppings. 🫣 When we came back from the walkies, I was able to finish the reply to my friend. I fixed myself some breakfast and then ate it, of course. I got back to my laptop, and made sure that today’s blog post, the weekly journal one, was all ready and scheduled to go live at 7am. I wasn’t sure yet about the streak, due to messing up the scheduling of Monday’s post… But, Tuesday’s post was all set, so I wanted to start writing Monday’s journal Toot. But, after just a few lines, there came some sound from a brown furry dude, and it meant that it was time again to head out for some walkies. We were getting close to home, when I heard the louder noises from the bushes, as did Koa. It sounded like the time we saw that deer near some of the smaller trees. But this time I didn’t have a bright light, so we just heard the noises and assumed that the deer/doe was back again. It still amazes me that such a fine animal would leave the nearby woods, as I recon that’s where its home is, to come into the residential area. But, it was just a suspicion, based on the sounds we heard, as it was too dark to actually see if there was a deer behind the trees and bushes again. Back home, I wrote a bit on my journal Toot. Then, it was time to fix some food for the sweet dude. I was able to finish up Monday’s journal and upload it to the usual places. After that, I was glad that I could put the laptop away, as it had been quite a bit of typing, and my hands could do with a bit of rest. I watched a bit of Revenge while I tried to relax for a bit. I got hungry and fixed myself some earlier meal. After which, of course, it was time again to walk with the dude. I was just trying to get comfy on the couch when my phone rang. Bestie was on her way to work again. And Koa “attacked” me when he heard someone speaking, but could not see anyone besides me. Maybe he tried to protect me, in his own way, but getting about 25 kilo in your stomach of a rather excited doggo… It knocks the wind out of you for a bit. 😅I had a nice chat with my friend. When she arrived at work safe and sound, we hung up, and I watched some telly for a while. Another walk with the dude happened, and then I tried to play a wee bit with him and his balls in the back yard. After we’d been chasing each other, kicking and throwing balls, I got a bit dizzy of Koa’s running around with all his crazy energy. He stayed in the garden a bit longer, while I got inside and prepped a little snack for both him and me. I watched some more telly, and was just getting ready for another walk, when mum texted me that she was on her way to us. We walked our bit, and I was watching some Found when mum came into the garden. Koa was preoccupied with watching people and dogs at the low front window, so it startled him when mum opened the back door. A big bark came, and when he saw her, he rushed towards her. Fortunately, mum was prepared, and things went well enough. As mum was a bit early, I wanted to try and use the normal vacuum cleaner. It needed to be done, and I wanted to see if I could manage it by myself again. Mum helped a bit by getting some things, and Koa 😉, out of the way. I was sweating like crazy when the downstairs area had been done. But, hey, I did do it by myself! The little vacuum did its best, but it was not the best sucker, and cleaning the filter was quite an annoying chore. I cleaned up the bits, got the needed bags, and mum got Koa on his leash. Mum took Koa to the grassy area for a wee before we had to go, and I gathered up the cooler and my shopping bag. We would make a pit-stop at Lidl before heading to physio. I got the things I needed there, and then we got to my PT. After some waiting, it was my turn. Koa got a nice snack, which really was a good thing, as this time he didn’t scare the bejeezus out of Big Bas with his sudden loud barks. Bas did his best on my back and shoulders. And he managed to get a “knack” from my right elbow, which I had tried to do myself but just could not manage. It hurt, but it also felt so good when it was done. After the session, we headed back to Herpen again. Mum walked Koa around the grassy area again, while I cleaned up the groceries and then fixed Koa’s food. Koa was eating when mum headed back home, and I started preparing for bedtime. Koa did his best, and he peacefully snoozed before I got comfortable enough to try and follow his lead. Unfortunately, I didn’t get enough sleep, about 5 hours in total. When it was time to get up and start our “day” again, I felt tired still. But, Koa had been crated for quite a bit, and it was time for his food and potty break. So, I got up and we started our now usual routine. Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" I really appreciate it as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! 💜 🍀 🐾 #PixysJourney #WeirdFolks #ActuallyAuDHD #KoaKoolani

#Journal of a slightly relaxed Dutch AuDHD Pixy (Wednesday, 16/09/2026). I had a very different kind of night. I did wake up a few times, but when I woke up the last time, and I saw the time… Well, I was amazed at how long I had been able to sleep, how long Koa had allowed me to sleep… The sleep had been very welcome, but my body was a bit stiff, and I felt a bit “off”, as I had woken up later than usual, making it harder to stick to the usual routine. I had “things to do”, and now I felt like I had less time to do them in. But, I also knew that I had no appointments that day, so that I could take my time, and just follow Koa’s flow to relax as well. Koa had his meal and potty break, I had taken my meds and gotten dressed, so we headed to the couch. I got my laptop, so I could write my reply email to my sweet friend. But, before I had the time to finish that, Koa wanted to head out. So, that’s what we did. When we got back, Koa was a bit restless, and I had no idea what was bothering him. But, I gave him a nice new rawhide treat, and he was a very happy dude. Which gave me the time and rest I needed to finish my email. After I'd sent the email, I fixed myself some brekkie and ate it. I was trying to finish up today's blog post when Koa got a bit restless again. So, another walkies was happening. When we were almost home, there was a sound that I didn't recognize, and that startled Koa. It was too loud for the usual animals in the area. So, when I heard something again, I used my head light and... Wow! This was a first! She was partially hidden by some smaller trees and bushes, but she looked at me while I held Koa tight and stared in awe at her. There was a beautiful deer, standing not too far away from the small trees in front of the sound wall. When I'd seen her, looking a bit caught in the moment, I quickly turned off my light, and made sure that Koa was heading back to the house. I don't know if he smelled her, if he'd been able to see her from his point of view. But I wanted to keep him close to me, and leave the beautiful doe in peace. But, I was so surprised to have seen her, so close to my home. I've been here over two years now, and this is the first doe I've seen here. I saw a deer a while ago, when a friend and I were walking at the Herperduin. But, I would expect to see them there, but not here, so close to the highway and residential area. I still had some adrenaline in me while I was working on Thursday's blog post. I fixed a meal for my sweet dude, and then I was able to finish up on Monday's journal Toot. After that, I started writing the one for Tuesday as well. It was almost finished, when Koa wanted another walk. We had to take the grey container to the curb, as it was bin day, and they usually come rather early here. As I had to hold both the bin and Koa in my left hand, it wasn't too ideal. But, we managed, and then we were on our way. Koa got some sniffs in, and some naughty snacking... We just got home, and I was taking Koa's leash off, when bestie called me on her way to work. While we chatted, I fixed some food for myself. I had a nice meal and then finished Tuesday's journal Toot. I posted it in the usual places, and then it was time for another short walk with the dude. We tried to relax for a while, and I kept checking the delivery app, as the big and heavy crate for Koa was on its way to us, and I didn't want to miss it. While we were waiting, Koa was full of energy. As the weather was OK for a bit, I got his ball and we went into the garden. After some time, I got my phone, and I tried to take a little vid of the enthusiastic dude. I hoped that all the running around, and some silly acting on my part would have helped Koa to release some of his excessive energy. I know he needs longer walks, and some more playtime. I hate not being able to provide it enough at the moment. I saw a white van pull up, and I rushed to be in the hallway first, so I could close the door before Koa could get there. If they try to come in with a 30kg parcel, then a crazy jumpy barking idiot will not be helpful at all... The delivery man was kind enough to put the big and heavy box in the hallway. When the front door closed, I allowed Koa in so he could inspect his home for intruders. With some efforts, and no help from Koa, I managed to get the box in the living room. After some more playing with Koa, it was time to fix his food. It was getting a bit darker outside. While Koa was eating, it started to rain for a while. After Koa was done, I felt so sore. Even though I had a better night, it wasn't enough to make me feel all rested again. I guess I'll be needing loads of better nights, to compromise for all the bad, broken, short ones. Koa went outside while it was dry and sunny again. I prepped everything for some relaxing on my bed. Koa came inside, he got a snack, and I watched a series on my tablet. When I let Koa in, I thought I'd heard people walking with their empty bins. But, as it turned out, it was a thunderstorm ⛈️ coming our way. I had just settled down on my bed, and that nice sun we just had, vanished for a severe rainfall with good rolling and rumbling thunder. After that short but serious thunderstorm, the sun came back again. I let Koa out once more, as he'd been drinking quite a bit. We were out for a bit, and he even managed a wee. Knowing his bladder was relieved, and being rather tired, we got back to bed for some snoozing. It took me a little while before I dozed off. I was looking up, towards a higher area, where people were busy with some dig work. All of a sudden, a dog jumps down from the high spot, and she rushes by me. I follow her, and then she turns around, like she was aware of me in some way. She didn't seem to hear or see me, but somehow, she noticed she wasn't alone. I followed her some more, and when I tried to touch her, she was startled and jumped while turning around. All of a sudden, it was like she recognized me, and I her... It was my gall... She came to me, and gave me the biggest cuddle... And that's when I woke up because I was crying, and it also had startled Koa, so he was a bit restless too. I let Koa out of the crate, and we went outside. I was still crying, and then Koa gave me such a sweet cuddle and a few licks... Of course, this made me cry even more. It took me some time to calm down, and I needed some doom-scrolling to distract me from the dream. In the end, I got my eReader, and I was able to fall asleep with it. I think Koa felt a bit sorry for me, as he allowed me a longer sleep after that, before he woke me up an hour later than usual. Because, even with the long time being awake after the dream, according to my watch, I still managed about 7 hours of sleep in total. It was divided in a little over an hour, with the dream, and then the rest. I remember hearing something around 21:30, but as Koa was snoozing, and I was still so tired, I was hoping to get about an hour, maybe two, more. So when I heard Koa, and looked at the clock, I was rather surprised so see that it was almost 1am. I was glad for the sleep, but felt a bit sorry towards Koa, as he must be eager for a meal and a potty break. So, I quickly got up, and I did my best to care for the dude. Let's see how our day would go... Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" I really appreciate it as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! 💜 🍀 🐾 #PixysJourney #WeirdFolks #ActuallyAuDHD #KoaKoolani

#Journal of a slightly better Dutch AuDHD Pixy (Thursday, 23/07/2026). I didn’t have the worst night, but I did wake up with my back not being too happy with me… Ah well, Koa was all good with getting up and starting our “day” as well, so that was good. We started with the usual things, and when Koa had a full belly, we went to the couch, where I started my email to my sweet friend. When I was done, I got my brekkie, and I started writing my journal toot. But, Koa was a bit restless, probably due to his molars changing still giving him discomfort/pain, so, I decided that Koa and I would walk to the DHL parcel vault, to pick up the Shaun plushie. The walk went well, and I was glad that I brought my head lamp with me, as parts of the pavements weren’t too visible, due to trees and hedges blocking the light from the streetlamps. And, as not all the pavements are smooth, I used the little lamp to see where I was going. I tracked the walk with Koa’s collar, and according to it, when we got back, we had walked 1,9km. About 1,18 miles, according to my app. So, I was hoping that Koa would settle down, and I could finish the journal toot in peace. But, I still took a little while before Koa relaxed, and I could write my bit. While I was writing, I was watching the new Blu-ray movie that I had gotten, the Shaun the Sheep movie. It was really fun to have it play while I was writing. And although I knew I would love it, I enjoyed it even more than I had thought at first… I finished the journal bit, uploaded it to all the usual places, and then I worked a bit on a blog post, before I put away the laptop. When the movie was finished, Koa and I went out for another walk. I felt OK enough to go upstairs, when we got back, and I managed to ride my bike for 15 minutes. When I got back down, I tried to relax a bit. I thought about feeding my little monster, but I don’t think I actually did it. So, when I got up after watching some telly, I could not remember feeding Koa… And he wasn’t too pleased with me, so I figured that my foggy brain had forgotten to feed Koa… Whoops! I quickly got to work, and was met with a very pleased doggo. I am sure that he would have been just as pleased to receive a second meal, but it really didn’t feel like that… After Koa was done with his meal, we went out for a short walk, and then I tried to relax a while, as I wanted to go to the supermarket when it opened. Which I did do, and then, when I came back, I realized I had forgotten the bananas I had promised Koa. Damn, stupid foggy brain. I texted the neighbor, asking that, if she’d be up for a walk to the supermarket, if Koa and I could join her, to get those bananas I promised him… She wasn’t sure if she was going, so I was just going to go to the supermarket on Friday, and try to get them then… I went upstairs for another bike ride, and Koa allowed me to ride for 30 minutes. It felt good, but I was also tired when I was done. I got back down, walked another short round with Koa, and then, we had some water-hose fun in the garden, as I had to rinse off his little grassy patch. Koa had the bestest of fun, and I tried to capture it all on video. After that, Koa and I went to relax for a little while. I didn’t hear from the neighbor, and I was rather tired, and my back started to annoy me more so… We went to bed. To relax at first, and to sleep later. I was watching Criminal Minds, when I saw a text from the neighbor come in, that she was at the gate. I got out of bed, in my sexy shortamas, and I took Koa with me. I opened the gate, and I hoped that all would go well, as it was the first time that Koa was loose like that. And… I have to admit, I was a bit scared (and Nicole told me she was a bit anxious as well...). Koa and I went outside, but I didn't have the time to get Koa on the leash, so, he went to Nicole with only his GPS collar on (yay for that, otherwise I would not have dared it at all). He was so excited to see Nicole, and then he realized that he was not on his leash. We saw him in doubt a bit, as he wanted to explore, but it was also a bit scary. He went to the grassy area, and did a big number two (so it was good that he was out I guess). Nicole watched him, when I was getting a baggy, as I did want to clean it up. When I got back, Koa had realized that Nicole's gate was open, so he'd gone to her place, as he still wonders why Bundy isn't there anymore (we had the same when Arwen passed away, Bundy came into the house a few times as well, to look for her... 😢). Koa then saw Dennis, Nicole’s youngest son that lives with her, and he got even wilder, as he wanted all the cuddles. In the end, I was very relieved when I closed the gate behind us, with Koa being safe in the garden again. But, the magic word "snackje" (little snack), and the crunching with the bag of little snacks (and of course offering one when he came to us), it worked! He came to me, he came to Nicole, and he stayed close enough for us to see him. But yeah, I was glad that he had the GPS collar on, because, should something have happened, then at least we would have been able to easily find him again... But, in the end, it was a good exercise for both Koa and me. And I was glad that Nicole was there too, should something have happened, as I was in my sexy sleepy outfit haha! After that, Koa and I got back to bed. And, it didn’t take too long before I dozed off. Unfortunately, I didn’t have my long-lasting meds anymore, so after a few hours, my back wasn't too pleased with me, and I had to take another painkiller, to be able to sleep some more. But, my stomach and all wasn’t too pleased with me either, so when I woke up again with some heartburn, and a very annoyed bowel system, well… I decided it was best to just get up, and start our “day” earlier than usual… And, let’s just see how things would go… Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" I really appreciate it as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! 💜 🍀 🐾 #PixysJourney #WeirdFolks #ActuallyAuDHD #KoaKoolani PS. Sorry no Koa snapshot this time... I still have to try and get some screengrabs from today's video. I did play with some editing, and made a silly edited video of Koa's water hose fun on the 18th and 23rd. Don't expect anything awesome from me 😂 but Koa did his best to be awesome. Video can be seen here: https://makertube.net/w/qD37KTaS6chEGPUQ6twPp4

#Journal of an ashamed Dutch AuDHD Pixy (Saturday, 18/07/2026). We didn’t have the worst night, but I didn’t feel all rested and good when we got up. Still, Koa told me it was time, so we started our “day”. I got to the scale, which was less bad than I thought it would be, and I dressed. I took my meds, which were very much welcome, and then I fixed Koa’s meal. When Koa had a full belly, we got to the couch, where I grabbed my laptop, and I started an email to my sweet friend. I finished the email to my friend, and I had some brekkie. I started on my journal toot, and then I took Koa out for a short walk. It was cooler again outside, which was very nice indeed. We got back to the couch, where I finished my journal post, and I shared it to all the usual places. I put the laptop away, and tried to relax for a while. I felt a bit uneasy, like something was bothering me, and I didn’t know what. Koa started to behave a bit like an asshat, trying to steal all sorts of things, and it was bugging me a lot. When he finally settled down again, I went upstairs to ride the bike for a while. Which went well enough. I got back down, and took Koa for a longer walk. I noticed I was a bit more annoyed with him when he was not following properly, or trying to put everything in his mouth, you know, puppy behavior. And I just could not understand why it triggered me so much this time. I just thought it was because my back was still troubling me, and I felt tired as well. We got back, and then I fixed some food for Koa. After that, I needed to relax for a bit. But… Koa was doing all sorts of things, and it triggered me so much, that I snapped. I felt that I was getting too angry, and I managed to pick up Koa and put him in the crate. But there was some yelling, I did smash a door, and I cried so much… I was just so overwhelmed, and I needed to take myself out of the situation, but I couldn’t as there was no one to “take over from me”, so I needed to fix things first… I felt so much anger, so much fear, and I knew I had to find a way to calm down again. I am glad, in a way, that I recognize autistic meltdowns better now, and I kinda know how to deal with them. But… Once I am calmer, I feel such a pain and shame… I know that Koa wasn’t harmed, but I know I must have scared him, and I hated myself so much for that. I even tear up again while I am writing this. When I was calm again, when I had been able to breathe in and out, and reflect on the meltdown, I took Koa from the crate. He jumped into my arms, and he started to lick away all the tears that were falling… I felt so bad, so guilty, so horrible… And here he was. Just shy of 5 months, comforting me, not blaming me for anything… So I cuddled him as best as I could, while his fur was slowly getting wet and all. I was so grateful as I felt like he was forgiving me, maybe even apologizing for doing the things that made me so overwhelmed to begin with. I started to feel a bit better again, and I took Koa out for a little walk. We got back, we relaxed, and then we got ready to drive to Oss, where I had to pick up my parcel. We arrived there well enough, but it was such a mess, that I had no idea what to do. I took Koa, and we walked to one of the men loading a van, and I just asked. My heart was going crazy, guess I still had not calmed down all the way from this morning’s bad episode. But, the man pointed me in the right direction with a smile. A little while further, 5 men were having some fun together, and all together, they pointed me into the same direction, all smiling, but also aware of the little bouncy dog that was with me. I managed to get my parcel, and Koa and I headed home again. I unpacked the package, and took out the inlays. I cut them to the right size for my new shoes, and I saw that my old inlays were as dead as my old shoes. I put in the new ones, and then I fixed some food. A parcel with some snacks for Koa was being delivered, just before my food was done. I enjoyed my meal, unpacked Koa’s snacks, and saw they sent me something I didn’t order. It was something I could use, so yeah, I will just keep it. But I will need to find a place to order the things I do need now… So that’s some extra costs again, while the funds are not that high… Koa and I relaxed for a while, and we went out for one more walk. Then, we headed to bed. I wanted to relax for a while, but I noticed I was so tired, that I dozed off before I knew it. I didn’t even get to finish my book, a Grisham one, that seems to take me forever to finish. Somehow, I have been trying to finish it for almost 2 months now. I wonder if I am slower with reading, if it’s a bigger book (and the digital pages are misleading, as they sometimes can be), or if I am just less interested in reading the last few weeks… But yeah, I dozed off and slept for a while. I woke up for the loo, and Koa and I went outside. But, Koa wasn’t interested in doing anything, so after some minutes, we went back to bed. Koa woke me up for a potty break, and then, we got back to bed. He made some noises, but I begged him for some more sleep. And, somehow, he allowed me just that. When I woke up again, I was startled when I saw the clock. I checked my watch, and according to it, I had slept about 9¾ hours in total! Koa was very excited to hear me getting up, and I felt sore from the long lie in, but I also felt a bit more relaxed from the longer sleep. So, Koa and I got up, and we started our “day”. Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life" I really appreciate it as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! 💜 🍀 🐾 #PixysJourney #WeirdFolks #ActuallyAuDHD #KoaKoolani