Replying to
I don’t need bad takes when I have a bottomless supply of homophones and dad jokes
Remote
Robin Hood
@robinhood@yiff.life
mastodon 4.8.0-alpha.3+glitchNew instance, same old Robin Hood!
Lefty survivalist
Rob from the rich, give to the poor
Keep your chin up, one day there'll be happiness again
he/him, they/them
Bi
The point of survival is to help
1842 Followers
669 Following
30 Posts
Joined May 19, 2023
I had a dream that cavemen invented spears because they got tired of throwing live crabs at people
Gritty reboot of The Three Stooges
My peach cobbler isnt very good
but it’s ok
it must be hard to make shoes for peaches and he tries so hard
“Wow you’re good at computers”
“I just click everything”
“But how did you know which menu it was?”
“I just click everything”
“But then you were able to find the correct thing in the drop-down”
“I just click everything”
“How did you learn the new system so fast?”
“I just click everything”
“You must have some deep systems knowledge”
“I just click everything”
Why do heirloom tomatoes always have such horny names?
“Still punk as fuck” I say as I put my six signs of a stroke magnet on the fridge
One time my brother’s best friend left his oven open to let a pizza cool and this guy’s cat climbed into a 400 degree oven and ate a single, cat-mouth-width strip of piping hot cheese right down the center of the pizza and then climbed out completely unscathed
I was led to believe there would at least be bread and circuses
The neat thing about the manosphere is that they see manliness as this unbroken line of identity going back to the ice age. But much of the manliness that they espouse is less than 100 years old, and a good bit of it is probably less than 50 years old.
Hilariously, we have historical books that were written by men about how to be manly across hundreds of years. And they’re all COMPLETELY different, even within the same culture.
So yeah, manliness is whatever makes you feel manly, and that can be whatever you would like 💘
God may have created the pistachio as the perfect snack but the Devil decided that there would be a couple in every bag that would stay closed for all eternity
Forgive yourself for not knowing things you later learned
That’s how life works babes 💘
New porn category: wicker fucker
There’s a guy over on threads complaining about how dehydrators are a ripoff because they make food smaller in case you’re wondering how things are going on the rest of the internet
Just found out that the British call spaghetti bolognese “spag bol” which honestly sounds like some kind of slur
Before, I had assumed that in the future I would be the one that needed to convince people that a machine could have a soul. I find myself instead in the remarkable position of having to insist that they do not
All of my ultra-maga neighbors have “No Data Centers” signs in their front yards
Do you have any idea how despised you have to be to creat ANY level of bipartisanship these days?
Replying to
“Houston?”
“Houston here, go ahead”
🤘🏻 “OOH WAH AH AH AH!” 🤘🏻
The masculine urge to name a crater on the moon after my buddy’s late wife 💘
When shit hits the fan, or escatology, as I like to call it
Fixed the evap system on my truck! Finally tracked down the problem. It’s been driving me nuts for weeks! 💘
Replying to
@unlofl@mstdn.social @jackdaw_ruiz@normal.style ok, I have seen the fox. Do I think he’s unfuckable? No. Do I wish they made him more fuckable? Emphatically YES
goddamnit
