gobborg

I don't care how "fun fruity and fabulous" the new panera drinks are. bring back the death lemonade, original recipe.

roommate: we should make deviled eggs for easter.
me: we should make deviled eggs because deviled eggs.

the bricks be boofin' in this house

how slutty of an establishment is adult chuck e. cheese? it's my first time. idk what to wear.

watching Space Jam 1996 and wishing someone would hurry and take me to moron mountain

shampooing the carpet is spiritually equivalent to mowing the lawn, so I get a 6-pack now.

having a day where i feel like I've done some indiscretion but i think I was just a bit peckish and struggling to oxygenate dt asthma

what in cthulhu's name are my neighbors doing that involves regularly clanging metal at midnight (it usually sounds like they're assembling kit furniture, but this time sounded like tidying up?).

my second toe blissous is coming back. only on the right foot though. left heel will likely soon experience similar.

forgot my phone at home today so i couldn't piss in the stall. ahhhh sweet release, finally.

if you don't understand what i'm saying when i say "im not bougie enough to brave tj's at 5pm on a tuesday," you are in the bourgeoisie.

I wonder how asthmatics feel about supposedly uplifting ✨just breathe✨ word art