Grimm

WE CAN'T RENAME AI "SUPREME INTELLIGENCE" WE WILL GET SUED BY THE KREE. THEN PROBABLY INVADED. THEY ARE PRETTY SURLY.

Not sure why this imaginationless reactionary murder-covering-up sack of shit has any buzz right now but if he does it's because the dumbest, most imaginationless assholes at The Bulwark, the Times and Neera Tanden want him to while exactly zero other people, and FEWER Democratic rank-and-file, do. https://paulwaldman.substack.com/p/stop-trying-to-make-rahm-emanuel

Welp, I am now in a text feud with my local Honda dealer's AI.

Calling "shotgun!" prior to a car ride derives from the Old West phrase "riding shotgun," which referred to a second armed employee sitting next to stagecoach driver as security against people attacking the stage, so, yes, it kind of IS your job to get out and fight that guy I just flipped off.

I remember when a guy came into to work back when I worked for the magazine and was raving about the new SNL cast and tried to describe the Rob Schneider making-copies guy sketch to me as I stared blankly and then Hollywood dicks jumped over their assholes for ten years putting that guy in movies and then he became a marginally influential neo-nazi and I will never forgive Lorne Michaels for any of that.

"But who is the true villain here, the billionaire Patriots owner who doled out massive graft to make his own crimes go away, or Ed Sheeran, the spineless twat ARTIST who remained TRUE to his ART by kneeling and bowing to billionaires who can pay to make their crimes go away and also pay you, Ed Sheeran, to shut the fuck up and tacitly whitewash the mass murder of an entire people, including 20,000 children." Yes, a vexing question. Let's definitely pick only one.

"But what about -" Shut up. Don't care. They all sucked.

Anyway, congrats to Ed Sheeran, you have aggregated massive wealth and, with it, some might say power in the entertainment industry, and you used that to be such a bothsidesing craven toady to your billionaire pals and fall back on AI-drenched PR drivel about "loving all people" that British neo-nazis who organized actual pogroms are now your full-throated allies. Well done. You sure walked that fucken tightrope, bitchboy.

It is going to work. Then I am going to send a pretty impassioned and sweary email to The Hague.

You seem to be doing something. This obviously requires my oversight and assistance.

• every dog

I think Chris Farley went to UW so he is something of a sainted figure hereabouts among certain people old enough to know who he is and who liked bad comedy of a certain awful stripe and I fit the former but not the latter, plus it seems I haven't horseshoe-ed around to the phase where I appreciate 90s-early-aughts-SNL-spun-off projects for how garishly shit they were.

RE: https://beige.party/@GrimmReality/112363867685451697 FWIW, the guy raving about the making-copies guy and who never stopped trying to sell me on the bold edgy newness of '90s SNL was this👇 guy from my no-holds-barred Seinfeld evisceration thread.

They should do a tv show called Dancing With the Bears where celebrities have to dance with bears, who by the way are NOT trained dancing bears but just normal bears, cuz I would watch that.

I don't know, man, "embrace neo-nazism to appease twenty-seven posh assholes" seems a worse option than just prosecuting the shit out of them until it is no longer an issue. https://calmatters.org/commentary/2026/09/silicon-valley-democrats-lost-california/

Pink could step up, I guess. Fuck it, join the accursed carnival, be the art-stomping billionaire-allied genocide-cheerleading asshole you want to see in the world. Dissembling prick.

OK got it. This is a thing that will both say something about YOU and also help people discover fun new stuff to make their lives a little bit better: What is THE movie you would put in your all-time Top !0 Movies that would make people/normies go "wait, wtf?"

I like how you're a poetic wordsmith but, as a poetic wordsmith, you're also too fucking obtuse to delineate between someone saying "mass murder of children is bad" and a bunch of shadowy overlords saying "we interpret that person being against programmatic mass murder as being pro something they didn't actually say but also against something we support, which is programmatic mass murder," and then having the balls to say "Yes, there are nuances to this." Well done, you. You are a good person now instead of a complete fucking berk deserving of no actual money for your dogshit songs.

Hearkening one of the greatest sign gags in the history of comedy.

If you're a Giants fan and concerned about the rest of the season after tonight's injury to Jaxson Dart, take a few deep breaths and just remind yourself it is a long season and Jaxson Dart is a fucking neo-nazi.

If you didn't watch Futurama, we probably have sufficient distance from it (1999?) that you should correct this as a matter of comedy research, plus, very important corollary to that, THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, DO YOU HATE YOURSELF, LIKE "NAH, NO FUN OR JOY OR LAUGHING OR DRUNK ROBOTS FOR ME, THANK YOU"???

Also, if you are on the mastodonosphere-o-verse and you haven't seen Futurama, @LRRRonEarth@beige.party can legally eat you. Seriously. Sjust a matter of organic culling for him.

If you're from Tennessee and went to UT and are among the 47ish percent of Tennesseans with self-awareness and critical thinking skills, just please know rational people dislike "Rocky Top" NOT because Tennessee sucks - which it does - but because of that fuckawful 7-chord in the chorus. Ugh. Gross.

Gonna hear a lot from six-figure-paid lateral-thought-averse "news" dipshits in the next few months about how socialism, as they badly understand it, is scary so definitely time to remind everyone that capitalists work hard to materially and relentlessly fuck up everything good they possibly can. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nC8hnkUs3fM&t=621s

ORNITHOLOGIST: Actually the hummingbird flight mechanism isn't unfathomable at all, you see - ME: Shut up and respect my religion, nerd.

Hamlet thought the play's the thing wherein he'd catch the conscience of the king and it sort of worked, but that just led to four hundred years where unsolved murders skyrocketed because the primary method of solving crimes became putting on stupid fucking plays.

Every last person mad at Nolan's The Odyssey right now because of its "historical inaccuracies" is bona fied depthless twat who has no remote sense of actual measurable history, as done by historians and archaeologists, so everything they're fucking mad at is already bullshit and you might as well just have Animal play Achilles on the off-chance they burst a blood-vessel and spare the courts a ton of posh-boy murder and rape trials.

American enterprise in a single tv ad ZAZZY YOUNG PERSON 1: Darn, I'm broke. ZAZZY YOUNG PERSON 2: Hey, no prob, here's a website where you can go into debt to fly-by-night capitalist vermin! ZAZZY YOUNG PERSON 1: There is literally NO downside!

And, to be clear, I am not saying Nolan's The Odyssey is categorically historically accurate. I'm saying every last whinging white man bleating about Nolan's The Odyssey for its historical inaccuracies is bitching about hobbits actually being roughly 8 inches taller than the Peter Jackson movies render them. Like I get you're mad for a reason you THINK is important and virtuous but also - and this is important - your opinion is genuinely groundless and fucking stupid.

Anyway, how's Lindsey Graham doing? Probably still pretty dead, right?

Seeing an awful lot of Yuengling ads in South Central Wisconsin for me, someone who dislikes beers made by Pennsylvania neo-nazis, to not get mad every fucking time I do.

Fozzy. Bear. As. Priam.

Not sure who cares about this but badass comic book writer Kelly Sue DeConnick randomly liked one of my mirror posts about Lucky the Pizza Dog over on bsky and, while I try not to fanboy overly, YAY HOLY SHIT. Stay tuned to this space for more sparse comic book ruminations from a not-super-extra-comic-book guy and also gleeful fanboying.

I get that there's the FF cult connection between Alan Tudyk and Jewel Staite but, even so, if Jewel Staite pops into your tv show at any point, 99% of the time you are in Canada.

The subject of this headline seems to make the predicate of this headline pretty remarkable. https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/ryanair-passenger-sucked-out-window-flight-b3022195.html

Well well well, what do we have here.

Jesus Fucking Christ, what a trainwreck. Via ErinInTheMorning. Guess we got a new litmus test: Don't fucking be Amy Acton. https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dem-ohio-gov-candidate-amy-acton

Jewel Staite may actually be Canadian royalty. CANADIANS, get back to me on the veracity of that.

Here's my problem and tell me if this is just a me thing but if you are taking a prescription pill every day but your days blur together because the world is churning morass of entropy, gleeful malice and perfidious bullshit, how do I know if I took that fucking pill today?

@Longspeak@bardicperspiration.club Not sure what is being asked here: Did someone really do a cartoon wherein the Turnpike current-conditions sign had lyrics from "Born to Run" on it or did broken heroes really jam a highway on a last-chance power drive?

@Longspeak@bardicperspiration.club 😂 Sorry

@flowrider@toot.io Not sure re those specs in particular, but there are websites where you can just look for a show where people have just uploaded their home tivo files of it and you can watch it episode by episode. You have to be wary about the host source, like never give them personal information in any way shape or form, and always ignore and close auto-redirects, but you can just do a search on "Futurama Free Streaming" and at least one or two of the first ten results you get might have what you need.

If you are ever someplace dark and isolated and a fifties crooner song starts playing through what sounds like a fuzzy AM radio in an adjacent room, definitely stick around. It'll be fun.

@Longspeak@bardicperspiration.club Not that I know of. S'just a joke in a cartoon.