NewsThump

· 1mo ago

Boosted by @trending@homestead.social

So one of the Reform officials who stepped down is a Cambridge academic pretending to be someone he most clearly is not? This will no doubt be the focus of the right-wing press for weeks to come - right?

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· 3w ago

Boosted by @trending@homestead.social

NEWS! Apple unveils first foldable CEO https://newsthump.com/2026/09/10/apple-unveils-first-foldable-ceo/

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· 2w ago

Boosted by @kcarruthers@infosec.exchange

NEWS! Patriots who insisted ‘All Lives Matter’ celebrate closure of RNLI station dedicated to saving all lives https://newsthump.com/2026/09/19/patriots-who-insisted-all-lives-matter-celebrate-closure-of-rnli-station-dedicated-to-saving-all-lives/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! US Doctors discover new link between rising measles cases among children and their parents being gullible morons https://newsthump.com/2026/07/28/us-doctors-discover-new-link-between-rising-measles-cases-among-children-and-their-parents-being-gullible-morons/

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· 3mo ago

Boosted by @trending@homestead.social

NEWS! NewsThump formally endorses Count Binface for a better Clacton https://newsthump.com/2026/07/08/newsthump-formally-endorses-count-binface-for-a-better-clacton/

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· 1w ago

NEWS! Under-16 social media ban heralds return of locally sourced, artisanal teenage bullying https://newsthump.com/2026/09/28/under-16-social-media-ban-heralds-return-of-locally-sourced-artisanal-teenage-bullying/

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· 4w ago

Boosted by @MaryAustinBooks@mstdn.social

Such was the demand, we've added our most popular new design to a mug, so now you can annoy the stop the boats crowd while enjoying a cuppa. With FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/nmKH2C

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· 2w ago

NEWS! 'Patriots' outraged as man arrested 'just for waving the Union Jack' outside the bank he just robbed https://newsthump.com/2026/09/23/patriots-outraged-as-man-arrested-just-for-waving-the-union-jack-outside-the-bank-he-just-robbed-2/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! Plans to improve transport links in North include moving Leeds 43 miles closer to Manchester https://newsthump.com/2026/07/30/plans-to-improve-transport-links-in-north-include-moving-leeds-43-miles-closer-to-manchester/

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· 3mo ago

It’s genuinely amusing how quickly it went from “Me vs The Establishment” to “Me vs Count Binface”

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· 1mo ago

NEWS! Zuckerberg Yacht didn't respond to distress call as Meta algorithm determined there was no 'violation of community standards' https://newsthump.com/2026/08/11/zuckerberg-yacht-didnt-respond-to-distress-call-as-meta-algorithm-determined-there-was-no-violation-of-community-standards/

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· 1mo ago

'Foreign' things are bad, apparently.

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· 3mo ago

NEWS! Nigel Farage debuts new ‘Count Washing Machine’ persona in desperate attempt to boost popularity https://newsthump.com/2026/07/09/nigel-farage-debuts-new-count-washing-machine-persona-in-desperate-attempt-to-boost-popularity/

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· 2mo ago

Punching Na**s is always cool. A statement so uncontroversial it really shouldn't need saying. But apparently it does. Get the Tee with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/qchUvv

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· 1mo ago

NEWS! Reform promises to restore British children's lungs to their traditional pollution-stunted size https://newsthump.com/2026/08/19/reform-promises-to-restore-british-childrens-lungs-to-their-traditional-pollution-stunted-size/

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· 3mo ago

NEWS! "Defeating Count Binface would provide an unimpeachable mandate for Nigel Farage," insists Reform spokesperson with straight face https://newsthump.com/2026/07/09/defeating-count-binface-would-provide-an-unimpeachable-mandate-for-nigel-farage-insists-reform-spokesperson-with-straight-face/

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· 2mo ago

Do cannibals sometimes chew through concrete walls? Asking for a friend.

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· 1mo ago

Boosted by @MaryAustinBooks@mstdn.social

NEWS! ‘Meta would never harm a child’ insists Mark Zuckerberg luring Hansel and Gretel into his cake-house https://newsthump.com/2026/08/19/meta-would-never-harm-a-child-insists-mark-zuckerberg-luring-hansel-and-gretel-into-his-cake-house/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! "Seventh heatwave in just over a year absolutely nothing to worry about" insists man with head in rapidly warming bucket of sand https://newsthump.com/2026/07/10/seventh-heatwave-in-just-over-a-year-absolutely-nothing-to-worry-about-insists-man-with-head-in-rapidly-warming-bucket-of-sand/

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· 2mo ago

If the government is only giving out one possible new bank holiday this summer, which event would you prefer it was linked to?

England winning the World Cup, OR, Count Binface winning the Clacton by-election?

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! FIFA awards Falkland Islands to Argentina after lengthy VAR review https://newsthump.com/2026/07/17/fifa-awards-falkland-islands-to-argentina-after-lengthy-var-review/

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· 2mo ago

A mug with 21 classic British profanities hidden in plain sight? Yes please! Endless combinations to capture your mood, or the mood of your favourite potty mouth. Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/1jA5gm

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! Brexiters to send France a Battle of Britain tea towel in response to Bayeux Tapestry loan https://newsthump.com/2026/07/10/brexiters-to-send-france-a-battle-of-britain-tea-towel-in-response-to-bayeux-tapestry-loan-2/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! 'America's parasites, worms and bacteria are finally enjoying freedom from government interference,' insists RFK Jr https://newsthump.com/2026/07/13/americas-parasites-worms-and-bacteria-are-finally-enjoying-freedom-from-government-interference-insists-rfk-jr/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! Heinrich Himmler withdraws as Tory election candidate https://newsthump.com/2026/08/05/heinrich-himmler-withdraws-as-tory-election-candidate/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! The Times criticised for publishing photo of Count Binface’s home on planet Sigma IX https://newsthump.com/2026/07/10/the-times-criticised-for-publishing-photo-of-count-binfaces-home-on-planet-sigma-ix/

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· 3mo ago

Replying to

...it would be VERY interesting if the other parties got together and decided to stand aside for an Independent candidate, one who ran on nothing more than an "anti-corruption/MP transparency" ticket. No party affiliation, no manifesto - just simple opposition to the politics Nigel Farage represents

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· 3mo ago

The perfect lined notebook for those who like to ensure notes are taken correctly and who are willing to observe and correct those around them. Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/uKjJZN

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! Extraterrestrial beings cancel plans to save humanity after accidentally watching 12 minutes of Love Island https://newsthump.com/2026/08/04/extraterrestrial-beings-cancel-plans-to-save-humanity-after-accidentally-watching-12-minutes-of-love-island/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! Donald Trump cancels Iran strikes after decision-making coin lands on heads https://newsthump.com/2026/08/03/donald-trump-cancels-iran-strikes-after-decision-making-coin-lands-on-heads/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! Americans and Brits get into fist-fight over pronunciation of ‘Dune’ https://newsthump.com/2026/07/12/americans-and-brits-get-into-fist-fight-over-pronunciation-of-dune/

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· 3mo ago

NEWS! Iran-USA conflict resumes after Trump accidentally rests cheeseburger on red button https://newsthump.com/2026/07/09/iran-usa-conflict-resumes-after-trump-accidentally-rests-cheeseburger-on-red-button/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! I said nothing when they came for Laurence Fox, I said nothing when they came for Russell Brand, and I said nothing when they came for Andrew Tate, and I remain perfectly comfortable with all of those decisions https://newsthump.com/2026/07/19/i-said-nothing-when-they-came-for-laurence-fox-i-said-nothing-when-they-came-for-russell-brand-and-i-said-nothing-when-they-came-for-andrew-tate-and-i-remain-perfectly-comfortable-with-all-of-those/

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· 2mo ago

Surrounded by a sea of twats. Get your new mug with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/IHqslb

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! FIFA denies accusations of bias after Gianni Infantino spotted wearing Argentina strip https://newsthump.com/2026/07/13/fifa-denies-accusations-of-bias-after-gianni-infantino-spotted-wearing-argentina-strip/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! "Our desperate attempts to dismiss Count Binface as an establishment stooge are completely unrelated to our internal polling", insist Reform https://newsthump.com/2026/07/13/our-desperate-attempts-to-dismiss-count-binface-as-an-establishment-stooge-are-completely-unrelated-to-our-internal-polling-insist-reform/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! Most popular baby name for boys in 2025 revealed to be 'Nigel' https://newsthump.com/2026/07/10/most-popular-baby-name-for-boys-in-2025-revealed-to-be-nigel/

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· 2mo ago

Meetings that should have been emails. The notebook you didn't realise you needed until RIGHT NOW. Available in ringbound and hardback, in a range of colours, with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/2VvDmk

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· 3mo ago

NEWS! Alderaan destruction just ‘one murder’, insists Rupert Lowe https://newsthump.com/2026/07/09/alderaan-just-one-murder-insists-rupert-lowe/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! Man's joy at finding a parking space ruined by hidden Smart car https://newsthump.com/2026/07/22/mans-joy-at-finding-a-parking-space-ruined-by-hidden-smart-car/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! British Avengers: Doomsday trailer features Bananaman, Supergran, Superted and Dangermouse https://newsthump.com/2026/07/21/british-avengers-doomsday-trailer-features-bananaman-supergran-superted-and-dangermouse/

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· 2mo ago

Replying to

@alexadeswift@lgbtqia.space He's in the story and we put him in the poster! :-)

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· 3mo ago

NEWS! Thanos calls by-election https://newsthump.com/2026/07/08/thanos-calls-by-election/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! Hosepipe bans imposed after water companies fear they can no longer guarantee the smooth dumping of raw sewage https://newsthump.com/2026/07/15/hosepipe-bans-imposed-after-water-companies-fear-they-can-no-longer-guarantee-the-smooth-dumping-of-raw-sewage/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! Ryanair to introduce optional 'window retention' fee for passengers preferring windows to stay in place for entire journey https://newsthump.com/2026/07/27/ryanair-to-introduce-optional-window-retention-fee-for-passengers-preferring-windows-to-stay-in-place-for-entire-journey/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! Man unable to identify single Jared Leto project he'll now have to stop enjoying https://newsthump.com/2026/07/29/man-unable-to-identify-single-jared-leto-project-hell-now-have-to-stop-enjoying/

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· 2mo ago

NEWS! Gianni Infantino concludes only person capable of fixing Gianni Infantino's mess is Gianni Infantino https://newsthump.com/2026/08/01/gianni-infantino-concludes-only-person-capable-of-fixing-gianni-infantinos-mess-is-gianni-infantino/

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· 2mo ago

Buddha says calm your s**t. The mental health message we all need to hear from time to time. Get your T-shirt with free UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/5gktsy

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· 2mo ago

Nap aficionado. We all know one. We might even BE one. Wear the T-shirt with pride. In a range of colours and with free UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/pWqXGA