This week, I'm visiting my parents in Brasília. I'm so happy that they're happy, especially my mom (who suffered a stroke that damaged her cognitive/thought functions).
However, every minute I spend here I spiral very very hard into depression. It's a mix of being hypochondriac with also seeing a life that I kinda of left behind when I moved away from my native town.
Joining the fandom absolutely changed my life for the better. All the new adventures, friends, moments, it all felt so fresh and new and it still does - so coming back here and seeing these glimpses of my past (and happy!) life pull me back in a way I can't explain.
I still haven't learned very well how to cope with the passing of time, or making peace with some kinds of change, so it hurts. I'm in my worst mental state in a long while, I cried a ton, (I honestly had THOSE kind of thoughts....) and I'm counting the seconds until I leave tomorrow. Which is kind of a way of running away from my problems, and my parents deserve better from me, but I can't. I physically can't.
If you read this post, I'm sorry it's just me opening my heart to you, but it feels good to have a little shoutbox so I can scream into a proverbial pillow. But also, thanks so much. I don't want to be alone, and I'm eternally grateful that people care. Thanks.