Greg Knauss

I’ve decided to combine Sloth and Gluttony into a new, much better sin called “Sluttony.”

Me: If “awful” is bad and “awesome” is good, then “awless” must be the best thing ever!

Kid, 24, in town for the weekend: Moooom, dad’s doing the thing again.

Wife: I just ignore him.

Me riding my bike out, with the wind at my back: Ha ha! Fuck yeah! Yes!

Me riding back: Well, this fucking sucks. What the fuck.

We value your privacy.

We can get so much for it on the open market!

Shout out to Gen X, and the existential dread of imminent nuclear apocalypse!

Tim Cook’s legacy is that having fuck-you money is very different than saying, “Fuck you.”

The dog is working on ways to kill me and make it look like an accident.

With code so much easier to produce — with programmers running at triple or quadruple their old productivity — the software we use every day must be _great_. We must be living in a golden age of thoughtful, elegant, user-focused applications.

Now to take a big ol’ drink of water as I check.

Satire, born along side human cognition, passed away yesterday, in Miami, Florida, after a long illness.

A giant golden statue of Donald Trump, funded by crypto investors and prayed over by religious leaders, is the official cause of death.

Satire’s last words were, “What the fuck?”

Bad software makes me frustrated, so — given the state of the industry — I am constantly in a state of blinding, white-hot rage.

Nothing fucking works.

It infuriates me that 30 seconds on the microwave is about 1.3 rotations of the platter.

Put my food back in front of me, damn you!

…

I need to get out of the house more often.

“Meta to start capturing employee mouse movements, keystrokes for AI training data” — Reuters headline

Do you think, when they get together for family dinner, USB Type A and Type C make fun of their ne’er-do-well brother, Type B?

“Hope you never want to _print something_!” he screams at them, before storming off.

People keep talking about impeachment or the 25th Amendment, but all you’d have to do to get rid of Trump is leave him in a room with a door that pushes open but is labeled “Pull”.

I mean, there are so many great ones. It’s really hard to choose. But if I _had_ to pick just one prime number as my favorite, it would be 8647.

Passed an electric blue Corvette — the kind that tries hard to look like a Ferrari — on the freeway yesterday, with the license plate “CRYPTO”.

I’d tell you what the driver looked like, but you already know.

The reason Trump is usually so much further away from gun violence is because he’s not allowed within a thousand yards of a school.

I’m an atheist, so the only parallel to the cosmological beatdown that the Pope is giving JD Vance is if science discovered a species of bacteria that looked exactly like me and repeatedly punched itself in the dick.

The FBI had to find each individual shell used to spell out the terrifying threat against the President, to see if they had any ties to Antifa. Director Patel personally visited many beaches, all over the world, in his tireless hunt.

Though demonstrably less dangerous than being an ICE protester or a Latin American fisherman or an Iranian school girl.

Can’t wait to see what Jake Tapper does when all his First Amendment tchotchkes are confiscated at the door.