mastodon 4.8.0-nightly.2026-10-06A philosophy webcomic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also jokes.
Possible solution to the Strait of Hormuz?
If Iran blows up Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos I promise you here and now that I WILL convert to Islam and join the Butlerian Jihad.
Good news everyone, I've created an advanced AI that can replace 90% of the managers in tech companies:
#/bin/bash
echo "have more meetings where all the engineers stop working and say out loud the status of their Jira tickets.\n"
exit 0;
AI actually is causing a lot of unemployment in tech.
Not because it has been able to successfully replace anyone's job, but because the big tech companies are all gambling so much on becoming trillionaires that they have to throw tens of thousands of workers into unemployment to pay for it.
Nature did not design mankind to stare at screens indoors all day.
We are made to struggle for the bounty of the earth. To follow the herds north and kill for our meat. To make love in cold nights as we ponder the stars.
Luckily we rebelled against nature. That would suck. Screens are way better.
I would say that in retrospect Microsoft's Clippy wasn't so bad. He gave some pretty great tips on how to write a memo. He didn't destroy the environment by consuming more energy than most countries. He didn't help bomb any countries.
All in all, C- to B+ range, realistically.
Some people are apparently claiming that Silicon Valley Tech Bros have consciousness, like normal humans.
As someone who studies these issues carefully, I can assure you that this is an utterly preposterous claim. Yes, they can mimic humans, but they are fundamentally incapable of original thought.
Nerd culture is funny because it fooled an entire generation into thinking that if you liked sci-fi and disliked sports, that somehow made you smart.
One big problem the United States has with overthrowing countries in the Middle East is that their populations will fight to the end to protect their civilization, whereas Americans will give up immediately if our Flamin' Hot Doritos™ go up in price by 10 percent.
I gazed into the abyss, and the abyss just walked right past me, pretending not to see.
What the fuck.
Kids these days are so lazy. They just do everything with apps. Order food with apps. Socialize with apps. Find girlfriend with apps.
Back in my day you had to boot up your whole computer and log into a website to do that stuff.
By the way, if someone is serving for the United States military, it is a bit old fashioned to say "thank you for your service", perhaps try instead: "you are a traitor to the human race."
"You are being too emotional, just look at things rationally."
– someone who thinks their emotional desires are more important than yours.
The modern mind is not able to comprehend how the Roman Empire was able to administer an territory all the way from Egypt to Hadrian's Wall without making use of Jira Sprint Planning.
It's weird to me that people were surprised that Bill Gates was in the Epstein files. Like...really? You were surprised that the guy who invented Internet Explorer 6 was evil??
Come on.
I know AI isn't conscious because it can listen to an entire meeting on a Friday afternoon without zoning out and thinking about the weekend even once.
Slowly realize that everything is terrible: sadness.
Quickly realize that everything is terrible: comedy.
I would say that one of the big downsides of living the good life, that philosophers don't often talk about, is that it really dampens your ability to whine.
Whining and complaining, which is one of the greatest joys of human existence, is tragically robbed from us almost entirely.
I will NEVER respect Canada because they implemented democracy without shooting any British.
You should ALWAYS shoot at least a few British before holding your first vote.
It feels like now would be a really bad time for the Sea Peoples to make a comeback.
In an open and free society, the State or media owners knowingly propagating lies should be be considered exactly the same as them censoring the truth.
Freedom of speech is the freedom to openly debate the truth, not the freedom to control media to subvert it.
Mazdak Creates Utopia
https://existentialcomics.com/comic/651
The only permanent solution to toxic misogyny is to genetically engineer an apex race of "super gays" to rebalance the ecosystem.
I will NOT be elaborating on this plan of action. Thank you for the consideration.
Funniest joke from each decade:
2000s: some guys are hungover.
1990s: an Eastern European man doesn't give you soup.
1980s: a man with a lisp says the word "marriage"
1970s: a knight bangs two coconuts together.
1960s: what if we nuked the USSR by mistake lol.
1950s: I hate my wife.
When someone says "God works in mysterious ways" I assume that the field of Mathematics is considered mysterious to this person.
No teachings from Science, philosophy, or religion will ever instruct on life's deepest mysteries (how to make the cat shut the fuck up).
Aquinas on Sex -
https://existentialcomics.com/comic/647
Vodka Drunkenski, the Soviet boxer in Nintendo's 1984 arcade game "Super Punch-Out!!" was renamed to "Soda Popinski" for the NES release of "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!" in 1987, in what many have described as the first instance of "political correctness gone mad".
Reason and Passion -
https://existentialcomics.com/comic/648
Either/Or Bandit -
https://existentialcomics.com/comic/645
Presidents Day is one of my favorite holidays, because if it wasn't for discount mattresses no one would even know when it was, or if it even happened at all.
A true American holiday.
if i were a boxer i would simply spray insulation foam inside my skull, rendering me IMMUNE to all knockouts, and easily become world champion of the world
Intelligent Life on Earth -
https://existentialcomics.com/comic/644
The Summoning of Bertrand Russell -
https://existentialcomics.com/comic/641
Marx is Unfrozen in the Future
https://existentialcomics.com/comic/643
David Hume on Creativity
https://existentialcomics.com/comic/642
Human kind has risen ourselves to be the masters of the Earth, so why should I be afraid of a little bug, just because it is in my soup?
As an American here are my humble suggestions to improve soccer:
