daedalus4096

In other nighttime musings, I wonder sometimes about my own progressive beliefs and how I arrived at them. Whether I'm just a victim of "liberal brainwashing" as they like to say. But then I look at what makes conservatives cheer, and realize that if I really am wrong, then I don't want to be right.

It was once suggested to me that having principles is actually a neurodivergent trait. Not in a good vs evil sense, but rather believing in an idea through thick and thin, rather than just rationalizing whatever is convenient at the moment. I think about that sometimes and wonder if it's true.

Welp, I caved and bought the new WoW expansion. I get to hang out in game with my guildies again. Given the subject matter and setting of the expansion, I'm expecting a lot of bittersweet Deb feelings as I play. See you all in Azeroth in a few hours.

Today has been stressful for reasons I can't really go into yet, but at least the hard part is over now. I'm home now, and can take off my shoes and enjoy playing Satisfactory for a while.

Hey, folks. A good friend of mine is going through a hard time right now, and on top of that has to deal with some expensive car repairs. If you can spare anything to help him, I'd take it as a personal kindness. Thank you. https://gofund.me/ab39d4f2f

I swear to bagels, there's just no point in looking for a job in tech anymore. Personalized resume? Tons of experience? Strong referral? None of it matters, you won't even get an interview. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to do anything else but tech. (Not looking for advice right now.)

I don't get it. I had a good day. I relaxed, I exercised, I visited friends. The sun is coming back. So why do I still feel like this tonight? I hate that my brain can still find a way to hurt me, even when everything is going right.

I've only just scratched the surface of the new WoW expansion, but I correctly guessed there would be bittersweet Deb feelings. I think she'd have loved the new Silvermoon City. Her blood elf paladin was her favorite character, and I think she'd be over the moon to see how their home was rebuilt.

I have the best, kindest, most generous friends. A part of me wants to say I don't deserve them, but then they'd shoot me with a nerf gun, so I'm not listening to that part of me. I love my friends.

The thing about time blindness with friendship for some neurodivergent folks is that it cuts both ways. Sure, you still feel connected to your friends even after long periods apart. But you also remain connected to your friends when they pass on. The grief stays with you longer. Love you, Deb. 💔

Today's the anniversary of the death of one of my dearest friends, Deb. You may have seen me mention her from time to time. She's been gone four years now, and it remains terribly unfair. She was a good person with a big heart and bigger cackle. I miss her terribly. Fuck cancer.

Since I don't think I've said it lately: I'm currently looking for work. I'm looking for a senior or staff software engineering role; I specialize in back-end work, but can do front-end or full stack as well. If you know of any openings, please consider me. Thanks! https://www.linkedin.com/in/mbunting/

I wonder sometimes if we on the left treat Thiel as the same sort of empty boogeyman that the right finds in Soros. But Thiel can't seem to stop pushing crazy shit, while Soros is just kind of... there. I wish I didn't have to know about him at all, but he's an oligarch and thus everyone's problem.

On the one hand, I have a phone screen tomorrow afternoon with a potential employer. That's good. On the other, it's activated my neurodivergent "must do nothing but prepare for this until it's passed" drive. And despite thinking I'm pretty well prepared, I can't break out of it. That's bad.

While I'm not surprised at SCOTUS' rulings today, I am disappointed. Even the supposed "victory" on birthright citizenship was only 5-4, when it should have been a 9-0 "how did this even get here?" Any Democrat who doesn't campaign on massive court reforms needs to be laughed out of the ballot box.

It's always a nice day when I don't have to leave the house, or even put on real pants. Yes, I'm basic, and I like it that way.

Fine. If I'm going to be awake anyway, I might as well play some video games about it. IF I MUST.

Oh come on, it's barely 4am. I should not be waking up yet. This is bullshit.

I just had a new and different kind of intrusive thought. "But when my mom dies, she might leave me enough to let me actually retire, instead of scrambling for a job that isn't out there." I hate it. I know that I shouldn't judge myself for my intrusive thoughts, but I still feel bad about it.

I'm still enjoying Foundry, but I'm reaching the stage where getting anything done is A Lot of Work. Enough that I can't keep all of what I need to do in my head at once. Normally this is where I'd burn out, but this time I'm trying a different strategy: writing a to-do list. Smaller tasks, please!

My brain is stuck in neutral at the moment. I spent the morning working on Primal Magick, but now I'm tired and want to do something else. Except I'm just sitting here, not doing anything, because I can't get my brain into gear to do it. Ugh.

I'm having problems lately getting the right amount of sleep. Some days I wake up early on my own, after four to five hours, and am unable to get back to sleep. Others, like today, I groggily shut off my alarm and am instantly out again, for twelve hours or more. I don't know how to solve this.

Polycon is happening this weekend, the gaming convention that in many ways defined the course of my adult life. I'm not there this year, and I'm feeling a sense of hiraeth about it. I won't say I've moved on, because I haven't, but I have changed. I miss what I had then, but I can't go back in time.

On the advice of my dentist, I picked up a Sonicare electric toothbrush. Cheaper than I expected, but boy is it going to take some getting used to. It makes my teeth and lips tingle weirdly. And this is just on the training setting. Have any of you used one? How long did it take you to acclimate?

I wonder sometimes how comparative theologians feel about comic book mythos. Larger than life godlike characters, with story after story told of them in ways that can't possibly all be true, and the cults of readers who follow them? Did we just reinvent polytheism in four color pulp paper?