@taedryn I … have a lot of thoughts on this so it goes on for a while. It's been on my mind a fair bit for a while now.
My frustration stems from the pre-existing issue of feeling like I'm not human (I suspect some level of AuDHD pushing this). Like I'm an alien or planar other watching all this happen around me. Kind of like a yokai, an entity that is human compatible. If we take the stories as a form of truth, yokai are compatible with humans up to and including having progeny.
So like … I see my friends who say they're Ace and they will frequently make statements that makes it sound like they're well on the road to "horny jail", and I still haven't even set foot on the path. Which isn't bad … just feels … "other-ing".
I saw a post on bsky of someone talking about the sterm and drong about the sex in "Heated Rivalry", and how people that don't see how sex advances a plot just don't understand. They went on to say that if you haven't had sex that makes your re-evaluate yourself, the world, and the way you relate to your partner, you're missing out, and they're sorry for us.
This left me feeling angry and kicked out of the population. Why do you feel sorry for me?! This thing you describe, I will never experience it. My brain doesn't work that way. I have no significance tied to sex. I have a body it has physical responses, there's plenty of fun to be had, BUT that's kinda it. It doesn't do extra things for me or to me.
I donno if I'm expressing this well … it's just … strange to live in a world and culture where it's not just "sex" but it SEX and I'm the outcast because I can't experience that.
So I guess in summary, I don't feel negative about being ace, in myself. I fell negative about it in light of a culture that is drenched in sex. Because they can't or won't see how it does/doesn't touch me in the same way. And really it's feeling like rejection from my peers and culture that I am negative about.