The Onion

Apple Backs Up Tim Cook’s Memories To Port Over Into Next CEO https://theonion.com/apple-backs-up-tim-cooks-memories-to-port-over-into-next-ceo/?utm_source=flipboard&utm_medium=activitypub Posted into Local @local-TheOnion

‘Take Us To Your Biggest Pedophile’ Demand Surprisingly Politically Informed Aliens https://theonion.com/take-us-to-your-biggest-pedophile-demand-surprisingly-politically-informed-aliens/?utm_source=flipboard&utm_medium=activitypub Posted into Latest @latest-TheOnion

What To Know About The Live-Action ‘Moana’ https://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-the-live-action-moana/?utm_source=flipboard&utm_medium=activitypub Posted into Latest @latest-TheOnion

GOP Allies Claim They Met With Mitch McConnell Inside Body Bag https://theonion.com/gop-allies-claim-they-met-with-mitch-mcconnell-inside-body-bag/?utm_source=flipboard&utm_medium=activitypub Posted into Local @local-TheOnion

Lindsey Graham’s Will Orders Estate To Start War With Azerbaijan https://theonion.com/lindsey-grahams-will-orders-estate-to-start-war-with-azerbaijan/?utm_source=flipboard&utm_medium=activitypub Posted into Politics @politics-TheOnion

A24’s ‘Elden Ring’ Film Stalled After Red Phantom Named TwinkPunisher Invades Set https://theonion.com/a24s-elden-ring-film-stalled-after-red-phantom-named-twinkpunisher-invades-set/?utm_source=flipboard&utm_medium=activitypub Posted into Local @local-TheOnion

Profits Soar As Taylor Farms Rebrands As Biological Weapons Manufacturer https://theonion.com/profits-soar-as-taylor-farms-rebrands-as-biological-weapons-manufacturer/?utm_source=flipboard&utm_medium=activitypub Posted into Latest @latest-TheOnion

U.S. Instates Military Wife Draft https://theonion.com/u-s-instates-military-wife-draft/?utm_source=flipboard&utm_medium=activitypub Posted into Local @local-TheOnion

Rep. Max Miller: ‘I Refuse To Resign Over What My Wife Made Me Do’ https://theonion.com/rep-max-miller-i-refuse-to-resign-over-what-my-wife-made-me-do/?utm_source=flipboard&utm_medium=activitypub Posted into Local @local-TheOnion

Olivia Rodrigo Releases Fantasy Tabletop Game ‘The High Winter Elves Of Girlville’ https://theonion.com/olivia-rodrigo-releases-fantasy-tabletop-game-the-high-winter-elves-of-girlville/?utm_source=flipboard&utm_medium=activitypub Posted into Latest @latest-TheOnion

Career-Ending Facebook Comment Double-Checked For Spelling https://theonion.com/career-ending-facebook-comment-double-checked-for-spelling/?utm_source=flipboard&utm_medium=activitypub Posted into Latest @latest-TheOnion