Jesse

‘And all I get is fluffing kibble.’
#dogsofmastodon

Dog: *stares intensely at bowl*

Me: You’re fat. You’re not getting anything.

Dog: The only one who isn’t fat is the kid. I fit right in. Now give it.
#dogsofmastodon

Put 3.5 down for a nap. He heard dad sneeze in the kitchen and hollered “Gesundheit!”
#parenting

Took 3.5 to his swim lesson. In his enthusiasm, he jumped fully in the pool, forgetting it’s over his head. He essentially dunked himself. Teach was right there so this was just funny.
#parenting #momlife

Watching Bluey: FaceyTalk and 2 things baffle me

1) Why Stripe didn’t just end the call? Be a brat, lost the thing.

2) How nobody slapped Muffin. Not advocating for that but the restraint is astounding. You’re telling me your kid can run away, scream, then soak your phone and you’ll be calm?
#parenting #bluey

Things just 3 YO has done today that make me wish wine was an option:

Literally tried to climb walls in the grocery store

Walked away from me in a parking lot

Tested the structural integrity of my couch. A lot.

Harassed the dog. A lot.

Threw a bowl at my head when he was finished eating
#parenting

Finished Mister Magic by Kiersten White today. Will have a review on IG and NetGalley soon but it was 5/5 for me.

Next, Trail of the Lost by Andrea Lankford
#bookstodon

@cassey@urbanists.social I can only think of nonfiction for ‘happy’ motherhood. Even normal, wanted motherhood is a steady stream of casual body horror. Baby teeth, the soft spot on the head, scrapes and bruises, and all the bodily fluids.

I’m near south Philly next weekend so I’m trying to figure out where to eat, a thing to do, and maybe a bookstore to visit. Suggestions?
#philadelphia #philly

MLS: *sticks women’s football behind a paywall* No one watches women’s sports

It’s not for lack of trying
#mls #soccer #sports

@shel Mine is such a hooligan. They say he’s doing well and seems to love the water. He’s not scared of going under. He just needs to learn to close his mouth.

@broximar@masto.ai TBF, I don’t think Muffin has ASD. She’s definitely not coded that way on the show. She’s just a brat. If your kid has an actual diagnosis, that’s different

Hubs keeps the various cars 3.5 has broken at his desk. We don’t have a room for Hubs to have a separate office. I warned my husband if he kept leaving those cars out, they would get messed with when 3.5 wakes up before we do. I gave him a box to put them in.

Hubs didn’t listen. The cars got messed with. He’s mad.
#parenting #itoldyouso

3.5 was playing with his cars and lost one. I texted a still sleeping Hubs he’ll need to rescue it from behind the credenza. Turns out, it wasn’t back there. 3.5 still made sure he didn’t make a liar out of me and lost it back there later.
#parenting

17 weeks. I’ve got an anterior placenta this time so I’m still in ‘baby moving or intestines moving?’ territory
#pregnancy #parenting

I’m about to get ready for bed but my chihuahua just did that ‘huff, huff, snort’ dogs do when they’re cozy so at least 5 more minutes

@aburka@hachyderm.io Mexican, seafood, American, Italian.

How I’m celebrating the fourth. We’re not out of the woods yet.
#fourthofjuly #independenceday #america