"Everything is idealised on social media" not true. I regularly have mental breakdowns on the tl, get on my level babes 💅💁🤳
Remote
jaq
@Jaqspur@jorts.horse
mastodon 4.3.0-alpha.3+glitch
Stressed, depressed, doing my best
tag me in your elder scrolls play-through
154 Followers
278 Following
19 Posts
Joined February 03, 2023
who:
they/them
what:
panroace
where:
🇺🇲 -> 🇬🇧
why:
idk :(
once my mycelium network finds out about this it's over for you losers
Stop saying "bone dry"
bones are wet they're always wet they've got your goop on them always until you die and then for a long time after that and then you put them in a soup and they're wet again and
hell is putting a bra on
at 7:30 in the morning
to be available for an appointment
with someone who had an entire five hour window to hit
and couldn't even do that
I ain't sayin she a woim digger
Sure Ryan Gosling's pretty good at acting but imo he peaked at making somber/spooky ghost music
https://youtu.be/WfRMjiVoaQ8
Returned to the scene of the crime after SLURPING my SOUP 😤😤😤
Had this tender spot on my temple and was like "damn must be one of those deep-rooted pimples you can't see"
Forgot that in the middle of the night I managed to eat shit while in the safe confines of my bed by bashing my head against the end table while rolling over
What idiot named the duo Simon & Garfunkel and not Paul Art: Mall Cop 2
The alarm bells that went off in my head when I read this in a Robert Louis Stevenson novel
(Sean Connery voice)
We named the *horse* Jortsiana
What's the most extreme gap between an artist's best and worst album that you know? I'm listening to Mardi Gras by CCR right now and it's gotta be a top conteder
Replying to
@plut0nian@jorts.horse I had a feeling that might be the case for you right now because of the job change! 😞 america sucks balls jfc
Replying to
@plut0nian@jorts.horse oh no I hope you're okay! Be sure to get yourself checked out if you're able (not in a horny way but also in a horny way if you want)
People only ever say "it's like a Hitchcock film" when there's a lot of birds around, but not when someone is being a nosy neighbor or is really dizzy
need anything from the shop?
oh yeah, I've actually been needing... well, you know how if a dinosaur were a necromancer?
oh yeah yeah i gotchu. do u want the regular size or
six feet?
six feet yeah