Zombie Rust Punk

Me: “Guitar Center should have a mascot called the Guitar Centaur.”

9yo: “Yeah, with the horse part on the bottom and the guitar part on the top.”

Me: “…”

9yo: “That is truly a cursed image.”

I used to think that I couldn’t be trans because I never crossdressed. But now I realize even if I’d been a cis woman, my Gen X lesbian ass would still be wearing flannel and doc martens.

Just when I think LinkedIn can’t get any worse, it recommends I reconnect with an old friend who is dead.

my kid is excited about the super bowl tomorrow, because “i can eat as many chips as i want”.

any of y’all have exciting plans?

queer as in “i never gave a shit about the quarterback dating the head cheerleader”

Damn, the Facebook recommendation algorithm really calling me out here.

Me: *complains about the HOA*

9yo: “Oh, the HOA! That’s the thing in Animal Crossing that’s so annoying. They won’t let me have my house the way I want it.”

💀

Welp, I came out publicly. I’m still gonna keep this account semi-pseudonymous. But at least I can link my github or whatever occasionally without worrying about it.

Me: “They flip a coin to see who goes first.”

My kid: “They roll for initiative?”

Me: “Show me remote jobs.”

Indeed: “How about this one?”

Me: “Is it remote?”

Indeed: “No.”

Me: “…”

Indeed: “…”

Me: “It’s like when Jonah got eaten by a whale.”

9yo: “Is that a story from TikTok?”

That dream had everything:
✅ dogs in department stores
✅ turn-based combat
✅ unionization of the tech industry

The White House says you have to hire me to bootstrap replacing your C++ codebase with Rust.

https://www.whitehouse.gov/oncd/briefing-room/2024/02/26/press-release-technical-report/

So far, my take away from the Marvels is that Carol Danvers has the same crocs as me.

Before I quit my job last year, I interviewed with Mozilla for one of the teams that just had the layoffs. I didn’t get an offer. But even if I had, there’s a good chance I would’ve just gotten laid off.

“If you yourself can withstand three cheers at beholding these vivacious fish, then heaven help ye; the spirit of godly gamesomeness is not in ye.” -Moby Dick

“Least of all, did Flask presume to help himself to butter. Whether he thought the owners of the ship denied it to him, on account of its clotting his clear, sunny complexion; or whether he deemed that, on so long a voyage in such marketless waters, butter was at a premium, and therefore was not for him, a subaltern; however it was, Flask, alas! was a butterless man!”

Moby Dick continues to crack me up.