It is said that your life flashes before your eyes before you die. That is true, it's called Life.
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Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.
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She had found them lodgings in The Shades, an ancient part of the city whose inhabitants were largely nocturnal and never inquired about one another’s business because curiosity not only killed the cat but threw it in the river with weights tied to its feet.
(Equal Rites)
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‘Laughing in the face of danger is not a survival strategy,’ said the god.
‘Oh, they don’t laugh,’ said Ponder gloomily. ‘They say things like, “you call that dangerous? It’s not a patch on the kind of danger you used to get when we were lads, eh, Senior Wrangler, what what?’ (Last Continent)
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Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.
What a mess the world was in, Vimes reflected. Constable Visit had told him the meek would inherit it, and what had the poor devils done to deserve that? (Feet of Clay)
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Granny Weatherwax’s approach to foreign tongues was to repeat herself loudly and slowly.
(Witches Abroad)
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The people who really run organisations are usually found several levels down, where it’s still possible to get things done. (Small Gods)
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Death began to feel that he wouldn’t understand people as long as he lived.
(Mort)
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‘Million-to-one chances,’ she said, ‘crop up nine times out of ten.’
(Equal Rites)
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Sometimes it’s better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. (Men at Arms)
‘I’m not dependable. Even I don’t depend on me, and I’m me.’ (Interesting Times)
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You had to choose. You might be right, you might be wrong but you had to choose. Knowing that the rightness or wrongness might never be clear or even that you were deciding between two sorts of wrong, that there was no right anywhere. And always, always you did it by yourself. You were the one there, on the edge, watching and listening. (Carpe Jugulum)
“In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.”
(Lords and Ladies)
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‘Was there anything else on the dinner menu?’ ‘Vole-au-vents and Cream of Rat,’ said Gimlet. ‘All hygienically prepared.’
‘How do you mean, “hygienically prepared”?’ said Carrot.
‘The chef is under strict orders to wash his hands afterwards.’
The assembled dwarfs nodded. This was certainly pretty hygienic. You didn’t want people going around with ratty hands. (Feet of Clay)
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It’s a fact of life that everyone is on one side or other of a wall, so the only thing to do is forget about it or evolve stronger fingers.
(Mort)
‘Down there,’ he said, ‘are people who will follow any dragon, worship any god, ignore any iniquity. All out of a kind of humdrum, everyday badness. Not the really high, creative loathsomeness of the great sinners, but a sort of mass-produced darkness of the soul. Sin, you might say, without a trace of originality. They accept evil not because they say yes, but because they don’t say no.’
(Guards Guards)
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It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny.
(Reaper Man)
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Evolution was far more thrilling to me than the biblical account. Who would not rather be a rising ape than a falling angel? To my juvenile eyes Darwin was proved true every day. It doesn't take much to make us flip back into monkeys again.
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‘If a thing’s worth doing, it’s worth doing badly,’ said Granny, fleeing into aphorisms, the last refuge of an adult under siege.
(Equal Rites)
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‘Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.’
(Hogfather)
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In the Ramtops witches were accorded a status similar to that which other cultures gave to nuns, or tax collectors, or cesspit cleaners. That is to say, they were respected, sometimes admired, generally applauded for doing a job which logically had to be done, but people never felt quite comfortable in the same room with them.
(Equal Rites)
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The Bursar was not technically insane. He had passed through the rapids of insanity some time previously, and was now sculling around in some peaceful pool on the other side. He was often quite coherent, although not by normal human standards. (Interesting Times)
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Troll gambling is even simpler than Australian gambling. One of the most popular games is One Up, which consists of throwing a coin in the air and betting on whether it will come down again. (Soul Music)
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Rincewind rather enjoyed times like this. They convinced him that he wasn’t mad because, if he was mad, that left no word at all to describe some of the people he met.
(Sourcery)
Everyone in Biers drank alone, even when they were in groups.
(Hogfather)
Walter’s face was an agony of indecision but, erratic though his thinking might have been, it was no match for Nanny Ogg’s meretricious duplicity. He was up against a mind that regarded truth as a reference point but certainly not as a shackle. Nanny Ogg could think her way through a corkscrew in a tornado without touching the sides. (Maskerade)
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
It is a long-cherished tradition among a certain type of military thinker that huge casualties are the main thing. If they are on the other side then this is a valuable bonus.
(Jingo)
‘Foolish child. All you could tell was that he thought he was telling the truth. The world isn’t always as people see it.’
(Equal Rites)
And he was pretty sure that there was no way you could get a cross between a human and a sheep. If there was, people would definitely have found out by now, especially in the more isolated rural districts. (Last Continent)
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... You walk along the Streets at Night shouting, It's Twelve O'clock and All's Well. I said, What if it is not all well, and he said, You bloody find another street.
(Guards Guards)
... Cut-me-own-Throat Dibbler, purveyor of absolutely anything that could be sold hurriedly from an open suitcase in a busy street and was guaranteed to have fallen off the back of an oxcart.
(Guards Guards)
No one had asked her, before she was born, whether she’d want a lovely personality or whether she’d prefer, say, a miserable personality but a body that could take size 9 in dresses. Instead, people would take pains to tell her that beauty was only skin-deep, as if a man ever fell for an attractive pair of kidneys. (Maskerade)
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Miss Eulalie Butts and her colleague, Miss Delcross, had founded the college on the astonishing idea that, since gels had nothing much to do until someone married them, they might as well occupy themselves with learning things. (Soul Music)
“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
(Diggers)
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Rincewind knew what orgasms were, of course, he’d had a few in his time, sometimes even in company…
(The Light Fantastic)
Nanny Ogg quite liked cooking, provided there were other people around to do things like chop up the vegetables and wash the dishes afterwards.
(Witches Abroad)
People who would not believe a High Priest if he said the sky was blue, and was able to produce signed affidavits to this effect from his white-haired old mother and three Vestal virgins, would trust just about anything whispered darkly behind their hand by a complete stranger in a pub. (Maskerade)
Rincewind had faced many horrors in his time, but none held quite the same place in the lexicon of dread as those few seconds after someone said, “Turn over your papers now.” (Interesting Times)
But Magrat, like this, frightened him more than the elves. It was like being charged by sheep. (Lords and Ladies)
He’d wanted changes. It was just that he’d wanted things to stay the same, as well.
(Pyramids)
One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
(Jingo)
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Cats gravitate to kitchens like rocks gravitate to gravity.
(Witches Abroad)
He wasn't certain what unisex was but expected that it was what he normally experienced. (Interesting Times)
There should be a word for words that sound like things would sound like if they made a noise, he thought. The word ‘glisten’ does indeed gleam oilily, and if ever there was a word that sounded exactly the way sparks look as they creep across burned paper, or the way lights of cities would creep across the world if the whole of human civilization was crammed into one night, then you couldn’t do better than ‘coruscate’.
(Equal Rites)
'I hate it when people are nice to me. It means something bad is going to happen.' (Interesting Times)
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“I meant,” said Ipslore bitterly, “what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?”
Death thought about it. CATS, he said eventually. CATS ARE NICE.”
(Sourcery)
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It was such a relief to be right, even though you knew you'd only got there by trying every possible way to be wrong. (Feet of Clay)
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Zoon tribes are very proud of their Liars.
Other races get very annoyed about all this. They feel that the Zoon ought to have adopted more suitable titles, like ‘diplomat’ or ‘public relations officer’. They feel they are poking fun at the whole thing.
(Equal Rites)
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