Rai

Got a message that my copy of The World Beneath our Feet by @frankashwood@flipping.rocks had arrived, so I ran out at lunch to pick it up!

Don't forget, if you've procrastinated like me ... Bird of the Year voting closes today at 5pm! https://www.birdoftheyear.org.nz/

just having a panic attack on the floor of a bathroom at an office out of town bc i can't jump jobs again I dont know what to do

Mānawatia a Matariki ⭐ Had a lovely time at the beach this morning. I was afraid we'd have too much cloud cover, but I'm glad I got up anyway!! I got in some nice viewing before popping into a cafe for the best coffee of my life (my perception may have been influenced by the outside temperature, who can say). I then returned to the beach to watch a bit of the sunrise and watch Mātariki fade out of visibility. Now back home and toasty cozy in bed again haha.

Goodness people are so generous with the boosts, thank you 😭

Had another talk with my manager. I told him I had therapy scheduled and wanted to wait until after that, but he went ahead anyway so I cried a whole bunch again. For me this is all wrapped up in being unhirable with my skillset, and being unable to support my family. It's lots of Big feelings I need to get a lid on to talk to him.

ok I'm no longer having a panic attack on the floor of a bathroom but I still kinda think I'm fucked. will try to just get through and try not to get fired. but it's horrifically obvious to me (and now the entire team since I burst into tears in front of them all) that I do not fit. but I don't think I'll fit anywhere at this point. this is the fourth job in about as many years, might be time to admit I'M the problem. but like. I'm the only one in the house making money. i can't lose this. and I can't quit. and I can't go anywhere else. so it's this or just give up I guess