🌈 Pete

“Your package will arrive today between 3:30 and 6pm” Me from 6am on:

Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car. They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?" "No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies. The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!" The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?" "We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger. The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

Cashier asks for ID to buy beer 🎉 Cashier adds senior discount 😞

Beverly needs to test the blanket and give her okay before it can be used. #caturday#CatsOfMastodon

You tell your cat how adorably cute she is and suddenly she jumps up and takes a nap on your lap.