I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that my desktop is a cat.
If I want it to boot in wayland? No, fuck you, fails to kick up.
Sometimes? It just boots in wayland. No problem. Not an issue.
I can't figure out what the difference is between these two situations. I'm sure the explanation lies somewhere in the logs, but right now, I think the key is to ensure I don't want it to kick up wayland, thus ensuring that it does.
There's no rhyme or reason otherwise.