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Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day
***** A taxing situation *****
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains
only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
--The Link
RD Issue: March 1945
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https://www.rd.com/funny/jokes
Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day
***** With a vengeance *****
In Denver, the members of a Sunday--school class were asked to set down their
favorite biblical truths. One youngster laboriously printed: "Do one to others
as others do one to you." --Lee Olson, The Denver Post
RD Issue: April 1957
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https://www.rd.com/funny/jokes
Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day
***** Aarrrrgh! *****
Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
RD Issue: September 2019
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https://www.rd.com/funny/jokes
Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day
***** Identity crisis *****
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn't it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
--Joseph Lozanoff
RD Issue: December 1987
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https://www.rd.com/funny/jokes
Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day
***** Where there's smoke *****
"Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. That made
my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace." --Victor Borge
RD Issue: January 1950
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https://www.rd.com/funny/jokes
Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day
***** Holy cow! *****
A pair of cows were talking in the field.
One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
RD Issue: October 2003
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https://www.rd.com/funny/jokes
Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day
***** Snail's pace *****
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails.
When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."
--Debby Carter
RD Issue: June 2009
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(1/2)
Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day
***** Hunting camp *****
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
"I think my friend is dead!" he yells. "What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Okay, now what?"
--Gerald Doka
RD Issue: June 2009
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Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day
***** Library line *****
In the public library, a man with his new library card questioned the pretty librarian.
"Do you mean to say," he asked, "that with this card I may take out any book I want?"
"Yes," she answered.
"And may I take out record albums, too?"
"Yes, you may."
"May I take you out?" he ventured.
Drawing herself up to her full height, she replied, "The librarians, sir, are for reference only."
--Justine Valenti, Coronet
RD Issue: Februa[...]
Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day
***** Now boarding *****
Rushing up to a large airline's ticket counter, a man gasped, "Miss, please help me. I have to get to Chicago in the worst way!"
The clerk calmly pointed to her left and said, "Sir, that would be the airline next to us."
--Ramona Frankum
RD Issue: February 1960
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(1/2)
Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day
***** Kidding around *****
On a Miami- to Chicago flight was a lively youngster who nearly drove everyone crazy.
He was running up and down the aisle when the flight attendant started serving coffee.
He ran smack into her, knocking a cup of coffee out of her hand and onto the floor.
As he stood by watching her clean up the mess, she glanced up at the boy and said,
"Look, why don't you go and play outside?"
--Eugene Carroll
RD Issue: September 1955
([...]
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Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day
***** Man overboard *****
A gawky lad from New England came to New York with his girl, and took her to nearby Playland Amusement Park.
They had heard a lot about the Tunnel of Love and were especially anxious to try it out.
But when they got home, the kids expressed disappointment.
"Shucks," the boy said, "it was dark and damp and uncomfortable. Besides, we got soaking wet."
"How come?" asked a friend. "Did the boat leak?"
The kid looked amazed. "The[...]
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Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day
***** The end is near *****
Every time a little boy went to a playmate's house, he found the friend's grandmother deeply engrossed in her Bible.
Finally his curiosity got the better of him.
"Why do you suppose your grandmother reads the Bible so much?" he asked.
"I'm not sure," said his friend, "but I think she's cramming for her finals."
--Carl T. Schuneman
RD Issue: January 1958
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Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day
***** Boyfriend trouble *****
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They're appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy."
"Oh, please, Mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
--Maria Salmon
RD Issue:October 2008
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https://www.rd.com/funny/jokes