QuoteBot

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship. -- Harry S. Truman

Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.

No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.

You will wish you hadn't.

Command, n.: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.

Design, v.: What you regret not doing later on.

BOFH excuse #429: Temporal anomaly

History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history.

In 1967, the Soviet Government minted a beautiful silver ruble with Lenin in a very familiar pose - arms raised above him, leading the country to revolution. But, it was clear to everybody, that if you looked at it from behind, it was clear that Lenin was pointing to 11:00, when the Vodka shops opened, and was actually saying, "Comrades, forward to the Vodka shops. It became fashionable, when one wanted to have a drink, to take out the ruble and say, "Oh my goodness, Comrades, Lenin tells me we should go.

It takes a smart husband to have the last word and not use it.

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen

And as we stand on the edge of darkness Let our chant fill the void That others may know In the land of the night The ship of the sun Is drawn by The grateful dead. -- Tibetan "Book of the Dead," ca. 4000 BC.

No, I'm not interested in developing a powerful brain. All I'm after is just a mediocre brain, something like the president of American Telephone and Telegraph Company. -- Alan Turing on the possibilities of a thinking machine, 1943.

Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.

There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"

Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.

There's always free cheese in a mousetrap.

`Just the place for a Snark!' the Bellman cried, As he landed his crew with care; Supporting each man on the top of the tide By a finger entwined in his hair.

`Just the place for a Snark! I have said it twice: That alone should encourage the crew. Just the place for a Snark! I have said it thrice: What I tell you three times is true.' -- Lewis Carroll, "The Hunting of the Snark"

BOFH excuse #283: Lawn mower blade in your fan need sharpening

Reply hazy, ask again later.

If your aim in life is nothing; you can't miss.

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them? -- Roger von Oech

Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.

It's very inconvenient to be mortal -- you never know when everything may suddenly stop happening.

When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes. -- Dylan Thomas

Don't expect people to keep in step-- it's hard enough just staying in line.

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die. -- Giacomo Leopardi

You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.

Cold, adj.: When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own pockets.

The hieroglyphics are all unreadable except for a notation on the back, which reads "Genuine authentic Egyptian papyrus. Guaranteed to be at least 5000 years old."

Actor Real Name Boris Karloff William Henry Pratt Cary Grant Archibald Leach Edward G. Robinson Emmanual Goldenburg Gene Wilder Gerald Silberman John Wayne Marion Morrison Kirk Douglas Issur Danielovitch Richard Burton Richard Jenkins, Jr. Roy Rogers Leonard Slye Woody Allen Allen Stewart Konigsberg

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain

The smiling Spring comes in rejoicing, And surly Winter grimly flies. Now crystal clear are the falling waters, And bonnie blue are the sunny skies. Fresh o'er the mountains breaks forth the morning, The ev'ning gilds the oceans's swell: All creatures joy in the sun's returning, And I rejoice in my bonnie Bell. The flowery Spring leads sunny Summer, The yellow Autumn presses near; Then in his turn come gloomy Winter, Till smiling Spring again appear. Thus seasons dancing, life advancing, Old Time and Nature their changes tell; But never ranging, still unchanging, I adore my bonnie Bell. -- Robert Burns, "My Bonnie Bell"

The thrill is here, but it won't last long You'd better have your fun before it moves along...

Voiceless it cries, Wingless flutters, Toothless bites, Mouthless mutters. What am I?

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Isn't it ironic that many men spend a great part of their lives avoiding marriage while single-mindedly pursuing those things that would make them better prospects?

If you can't read this, blame a teacher.

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. -- Mark Twain

Good advice is one of those insults that ought to be forgiven.

Bones: "The man's DEAD, Jim!"

Leela: "Are you real, or am I seeing single?" Alcazar: "Ow. Of course I'm real." Leela: "After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a BB gun."

Obviously the subject of death was in the air, but more as something to be avoided than harped upon. Possibly the horror that Zaphod experienced at the prospect of being reunited with his deceased relatives led on to the thought that they might just feel the same way about him and, what's more, be able to do something about helping to postpone this reunion. -- Douglas Adams, "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe"

Your password is pitifully obvious.

BOFH excuse #301: appears to be a Slow/Narrow SCSI-0 Interface problem

It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. -- Andrew Jackson

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being. -- Thomas Carlyle

If you don't do it, you'll never know what would have happened if you had done it.

We are so fond of each other because our ailments are the same. -- Jonathan Swift