kafka’s fursona

covid-19 i owe u an apology, i was not familiar with your game

streets are saying there’s a hentaivirus going around. stay safe. fujoshi freak flags being flown at half-mast until further notice

friend: hey, i think someone’s using your pic & impersonating you on dating apps? their bio just says “looking for people to fight”

me: oh no worries that’s actually me

queen shit

my hater ass wants whatever the opposite of a pen pal is. a pen foe. a penemy

we will exchange threats (& occasionally, recipes)

pope leo dealing with the trump administration

stone cold jane austen

carry on my gayward son

and start doing it instead

life is literally so easy. if ur ever in a conversation that u don’t want to be in, just slap your knee & say “well, this was nice but i gotta go take a shit 😎 👉catch ya later” then bounce

every time i read a book i’m like wow this is so much nicer than arguing with stupid people on da computer

oh so now i can’t eat a toyota prius before bed? sick of this nanny state

why do baby monitors exist? are babies not trustworthy??

your fitness goal is to look hot, MY fitness goal is to be able to suplex a shark. we are not the same

i’m going to invent a PERFUME that has PROTEIN

“[x mundane modern thing] would kill a victorian child” weren’t those kids all on ridiculous amounts of cocaine? i think they’d be fine

doing the stone cold steve austin move but with white monster instead of beer

april fools doesn’t mean shit to me btw i lie every day

so sick of this “ask gemini” feature. if i wanted a gemini to lie to me, i’d just talk to my ex-husband

i’m always going to succeed btw. because i am insane

[raising my hand at the quaker meeting] is there a society of enemies? because that seems more my vibe

inventing a nobel war prize & giving it to trump

jordan claims to have shot down 2 iranian ballistic missiles. lebron could NEVER

creating a gofundme to give punch (the little monkey who’s getting bullied) a gun

british boba

why do people always assume that “i had a dream about u” is like a sexual thing? no dude, we were committing a heist in nicaragua. u were wearing a labubu costume. luigi mangione was there