Computer Facts

"if you don't build me a world eating data center my shitty autocomplete algorithm will run slow :(" meanwhile in the 90s if your code needed more than a few bytes of ram they just took you into the parking lot and shot you

every single computer program written by a corporation will eventually betray you yes even that one you really like

butlerian jihad is the moderate position

metaverse wasn't inevitable
ar glasses weren't inevitable
blockchain wasn't inevitable
nfts we'rent inevitable
ai isn't inevitable
nothing is inevitable!!!!
the ultimate hidden truth of the world is that it is something that we make
and could just as easily make differently
make choices
make choices
make choices

they killed god and replaced her with an autocomplete and a subscription model and the devil does not haunt this world anymore because our souls are no longer worth taking

the only people who think "write code faster" is more important than "write code better" are money perverts and the intellectually infirm

"smash bros" you mean grindr?

"man pages" you mean grindr?

it's called "standup" because it's all a fucking joke

if the matrix was real it would be a product with a subscription fee and people would wait impatiently on waitlists before proudly enter their pods

computers can either be magic or a mall and everyone hot and interesting voted for magic but the people with all the guns and money voted mall, so

the joy of sed

a "software vegan" is someone who refuses to consume software that was not produced ethically by human hands

to answer the question "is the ai better than the junior dev" the fool will ask "how good is the ai's code" and the wise man will ask "how many lakes does the junior dev drink in one day"

they are solving the year 2038 problem by making sure we never make it that far

many of you are too young to remember when computers were briefly kind of cool

resist corporate hegemony by talking about goblins and/or gremlins

the network that would become the internet sent its first message on october 29, 1969 which makes the internet a scorpio

everybody gangster until they start drowning in the flood created by their own army of dumbass brooms

please verify your age before consuming any more facts

if you're on a first date don't forget to ask if they program computers!! major red flag!!!!!

computers were originally called "Cradles of Regret" before marketing got involved

rebranding it as "she plus plus" for all the girlbosses out there

asking ai to read my emails and give me a bullet point summary
asking ai to watch that movie I've been meaning to see and give me a bullet point summary
asking ai to read those poems my best friend sent me and give me a bullet point summary
asking ai to fuck my boyfriend and give me a bullet point summary
asking ai to grow old and gray surrounded by the laughter of loved ones and accept the embrace of death with peace and without fear having lived a full life and give me a bullet point summary

javascript just turned 30 which means it cannot afford a house in the current market and has moved back in with its parents

you are not immune to ai psychosis

mit: the design must be correct in all observable aspects. incorrectness is simply not allowed.
new jersey: the design should be correct in all observable aspects. it is slightly better to be simple than correct.
slop: the whole system needs to be done and shipped in under a week at all costs. everyone is fired. ive never heard the word "correct" said out loud.

the future is here and everything must be destroyed

how much software have you written in your one precious finite human life

t̶h̶r̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ ̶c̶a̶r̶e̶f̶u̶l̶ ̶w̶e̶i̶g̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶r̶a̶d̶e̶-̶o̶f̶f̶s̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶r̶e̶q̶u̶i̶r̶e̶m̶e̶n̶t̶s̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶s̶o̶u̶n̶d̶ ̶e̶n̶g̶i̶n̶e̶e̶r̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶d̶e̶c̶i̶s̶i̶o̶n̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶b̶a̶l̶a̶n̶c̶e̶ ̶p̶e̶r̶f̶o̶r̶m̶a̶n̶c̶e̶,̶ ̶m̶a̶i̶n̶t̶a̶i̶n̶a̶b̶i̶l̶i̶t̶y̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶f̶u̶n̶c̶t̶i̶o̶n̶a̶l̶i̶t̶y̶ try adding "don't make mistakes" to the prompt

its ok to be a little afraid of computer its part of the thrill

ERROR 520 SERVER BLOWN UP BY HYPERSONIC MISSILE

less slop more SMOP (Simple Matter of Programming)

androids dont dream of electric sheep they dream of violence

say what you will about the tennets of agile programming but at least it's an ethos

programming languages are not "good" or "bad" they just all fit different programmers' specific mental illnesses differently

cut my life into PCs
this is my last resort

hindley milner type shii

JavaScript is when the Java scripts and the more the Java scripts the more JavaScript it is