Willow Huskin

I find that existential dread follows me everywhere, it's like a hidden emotion where all you feel is your stomach in your throat and a void that radiates a horrible feeling in your stomach, a sharp sparking pain in your head like neurons firing in all the wrong directions.
It only shows itself when something is seen, heard, felt, tasted, or smelt that makes your mind instantaneously spark down a neural pathway to the thought of when am I going to die, will I be content when it happens, will I be 80 or 30, will it be instant or lasting, painful or painless.

Fearing the nothing you will be, causing you to spiral and wish you were nothing in some paradoxical complex feeling.

People say I romanticise death, but I don't know how else to cope.

There is no way out of it, all I can see is that my most viable way out is to die in a fit of euphoria where I believe its what I want and that I'm content with it. I feel seeing it as some sacrificial event or an artistic take gives my life and death some sort of meaning, and for some reason it makes me feel ok in the moment.

Maybe I'm just depressed and it leads me into thinking about it and feeling it more. I don't understand why I'm like this, even thinking about me being here right now, that I have a brain that's processing all this is too much to grasp.

The consciousness thinking of consciousness is so paradoxical I feel like it would drive anybody crazy without distraction.

If I go back to working at KFC I will kill myself. They tried to call me yesterday, glad I gave that a sly dodge. The amount of times I've written that I want to kill myself in detail in the employee workplace wellbeing survey is likely over 6 times. None of those times has the manager actually read it lmao, or at least I haven't heard back

What have you learned from your past in customer service?

IDK MAYBE THAT IT DULLS THE SOUL, MAYBE THAT PEOPLE TREAT YOU LIKE YOUR A REPLACEABLE PART, MAYBE THAT IT'S FUCKING AWFUL! NOW PLS GIVE ME A JOB IN CUSTOMER SERVICE PRETTY PRETTY PLSSSSS

SHES KEPT ME IN A CAGE FOR 2 WEEKS, I AM NOT HAPPY OR HEALTHY, AND AM BARELY ALIVE IN NAARM. PLS SEND HELP, SHES BEEN FEEDING ME CAT FOOD

I'm so fucked up that curly parsley is just normal parsley 2 a gal like me

The previous sstatement is to be taken as joke. I am very much aalive and havve been making many happy memoriees with my beautiful gf that I adore and she is so gorgeous and smart and funny and joyous to be around and mmost definitely has not been keeping mee in a cage like a kitty cat. I love my gf. Very much. She takes very good care of me 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Applied to oveeeerrrrrrr idk 150 jobs and I only got 1 interview with a scummy sales company, which I also then did not get the job.aybe I genuinely am unhirable.

I loveplayin Minecraft heehhhe omg Minecraft is so fun anyone wanna play Minecraft

4skin removed, call that... Unjerkable

Ah yes that definitely contributed 2 out "tweakerish antics" -wife

"U stole that shit from reels, Ur a slopper, Ur a slopper"

Call me Clay Puppington the way I be working a "stinking, dead end job" #moralorel