But the problem with flirting is that you may be dealing with a complete idiot like me who cannot read signals and youll end ip leaving that oerson in the dark forever aboitbwhat you really feel, or you may send signals to anither party who doesnt want to spoin your friendship, and thirdly it can lead to people eventually shutting down away from all forms of reltionships bith platonic and romantic.
Like you can look up the dozens of stories of where a person , Person A was flirting with another person , Person B, and Person B was completely obliviois to what the hell Person A was doing.
One of my favorite stories was one where a lady would ALWAYS invite the same guy to her college dorm room so they could ‘study’ together. After few months of ‘studying’ tigether (he would always focus solely on studying when she was typically thinking about ither things… ) she said ‘Lets play a game’ . Basically the ‘game’ was that they both take off ALL ctheir clothes as fast as possiblr and hide under her blanket. They played this game for months and months …and… he still didnt pick up on the hint. It wasnt until long after they were both married and divorced to other people that she finally revealed to him what she felt about him. He said he felt the same way about her but he didnt have the coirage to say anything to her. See? Now they both lost out on a relstionship that may not have ended in divorce as their previous relationships had… all because they both didnt have the courage to say anything to each other. And knowing myself? I would also be unable to pick up on a signal like this.
TTheres also a second problem with flirting is that men tend to be so lack of social and ohysical intimacy thst they see ALL positivity and vulnerability shown to them as flirting when in truth the person who is being kind and touchy towarrds them simoly wants to be a kind and huggy friend. ANd there is nothing wrong with being a kind and huggy friend. Humans NEED vulnerability . Humans NEED physical intimacy to relieve our touch starvations. Ive read like a dozen stories of both men and women, but mostly women, who have stopped showing their male friends physical intimacy and vulnerableness or who have stopped naking male friends completely because the males interpret it as flirting . And Im a male and I can agree that if someone showed me ANY kindness I would interpret it as flirting too.
And thirdly , people who have repeatedly misinterpreted kindness , physical intimacy and vulnerability as flirting also have a third problem where eventually they just stop ignoring ALL signals because theyre so scared to misinterpret anything
In my opinion sending mixed signals is toxic and should be done away with.
If yoy feel some type of way about a person ? You must tell them directly or NEVER give them any mixed signalsat all. And if you do tell them you you must do it with full with confidence BUT you have to have two parts to your plan before you tell them: First part of the plan is that you have to have an ‘escape plan’ to cut your relationship with that person or their associates if you feel thst your romantic feelings for this person will interfere with you platonic relationship with them or their associates , second aprt of the plan is ofcourse to tell them and be confident with wjo you are and with accepting rejection. Ive come to realization that mixed signals is a way of a person telling ‘HELL NO’ because if you arent confident enough in yourself to admit that you want to date me or you want to accept my request to date you?.. Why would I want to date you? A person who is confused about their love for me is confised about who they are as a person. That relationship also goes the other way
. End of story. I was reading that article from ‘No Nonsense Sel-Defence’ and thy came to this conclusion… and theyre right!
