I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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A dad washes his car with his son. But after a while, the son says, "why can't you just use a sponge?"
The great thing about stationery shops is they're always in the same place...
Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders? To hold his pants up.
Why is it always hot in the corner of a room? Because a corner is 90 degrees.
What do you call a troublesome Canadian high schooler? A poutine.
To be Frank, I'd have to change my name.
Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
Don't buy flowers at a monastery. Because only you can prevent florist friars.
To be Frank, I'd have to change my name.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?"
"Pop," goes the weasel.
A book just fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.
What is red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint!
What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.
How come the stadium got hot after the game? Because all of the fans left.
Don't relax! It's only your tension that's holding you together.
Why does it take longer to get from 1st to 2nd base, than it does to get from 2nd to 3rd base? Because there’s a Shortstop in between!
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
"... all the modern inconveniences ..."
-- Mark Twain